People Have History

It’s funny how we get to know people but forget that they were someone before we knew them. It is as if they never existed before we knew them. We take away their history, sometimes. Similar to forgetting that a president was once a child and only knowing them as the president.

Sometimes we even fail to realize that the person’s history is exactly why they are the person we know now. We forget that sometimes their history explains the things they do. It could be that they never truly had friends until high school that makes them such a good friend now. It molds and shapes a person even if they try not to let it affect them. Their patterns and history design who they are and why they do the things they do.

Consider some of these examples, of people I know, as verification that we totally disregard our friend’s history sometimes. One friend of mine got her first duet in 8th grade that helped her become un-shy. Otherwise she might have always been the shy one with few friends and no social life. Another friend never had cable or watched popular movies as a child and still doesn’t care much for pop culture. This friend doesn’t even know some of the most popular songs, movies, actors, or artists. I know a person that never had a best friend until college and that still affects how close people can get to them. What about my friend who had some of the best family vacations during their childhood and still dreams of traveling often, because of the pleasant experience? Or the one that was never kissed until their 20’s and take relationships much more seriously because of it.

Sure we may know this person as our friend or confidant for the things we get to do now with them, and for the person they are now. But there is a lot of history that goes into the person that is sitting across the table from you. They had scraped knees and maybe even broken hearts before you met. There are family members that have shaped their lives and family pets that have enriched their lives. Mistakes have been made and wrong doings of others forgiven or grudges held, whatever the case may be.

Just remember that sometimes life makes the person you are speaking with seem like everything that you’ve experienced with them, when in all actuality you are experiencing at the person’s history.

Stupidity Leaves Marks

In college I had this friend named Peter who seemed to be the definition of stupidity. He always seemed to be doing something extreme. He even won an award once for some of the stupid things he did. Like playing chicken with a car, then ending up on the hood and kicking a skunk, which of course sprayed him.

There is no denying the fact that stupidity left marks on Peter. Marks of scars and flashbacks. It also left stories that he could tell for hours. His stupidity was for risk and enjoyment, of course he knew better. It was just more fun to push the dean of students into a mud pit then to skate by with a clean behavior record.

I’m sure we’ve all been like Peter in our own lives. Taken the opportunity to do something stupid and still have the marks to prove it. Whether it be by scars or skid marks, there is a certain need for risk in our lives.

Sure not all risks are good and not all scars are from stupidity. They teach us lessons though, lessons that leave marks on our hearts and minds. Marks that can totally change the way we see and do things.

Marks like the ones on my car. I know how everyone of them got there. I even would tell you some of the stories. Don’t try to figure them out though, they are my marks created by my stupidity. I’ve loved and hated every one of them and have yet get any of them fixed. Maybe it’s because I sometimes like reminders of my stupidity, so I don’t do it again. It is quite possible though, that I am collecting the marks of stupidity, because truly, stupidity leaves some of the most interesting marks.

In a Relationship

Written Wednesday, December 10, 2008

It doesn’t seem like such a big step, but now-a-days it seems to be an even steeper slope. Sure you’re going on dates, talking on the phone, and maybe you’ve even kissed. What do you do next?

If you’re truly interested in the other person, you want a relationship. It’s a choice that if it were given to you would happen sooner rather than later. It’s not just you’re choice though. There are two people involved in this equation. For some reason the other wants to just maintain the friends or just dating scenario.

You might find yourself wondering why? Why can’t we be officially together? Why must the other person hold back? Is it me, am I not the person for them? Is it that they are still playing the field or a commit-a-phobe?

Here are some of the scenarios that could be the cause of you not being in a relationship, if you are currently dating. One possible reason is definitely timing. Timing can be as simple as you were the first person they got introduced to or as complex as, I’m about to be moving away and the long distance thing won’t work.

I believe another reason some people take a long time to enter into a relationship is because of too many choices. I see the same thing when it comes to choosing a degree, there seems to be too many options and it is harder for some to make a decision in one way or another. I consider this a handicap of our generation, especially since internet dating is possible. My grandpa was about the only guy my granny knew who she wasn’t related to. So guess what they married and made it work.

Misunderstanding also comes into play, many times one person assumes that because you are a couple then that determines that you will have to get married in a year and a half. That’s not always the case. Guess what! Sometimes it takes being together to realize you shouldn’t be together.

It is important to understand that being in a relationship ie: being b/f and g/f, is a decision between two people. They are deciding to invest in each other in a romantic way and to give up investing in anyone else romantically. Believe it or not, that is huge. It’s much like giving actual permission to invest in the relationship. To spend time nurturing what could last for an extensive amount of time. Invest being the key word.

Consider becoming a couple similar to investing $500 in a stock when your income is $30,000 a year. You might have a little extra money but $500 is still a lil bit tough to just fork up all of the sudden. You could do so many other things with it but you choose to “invest” it. It may be tough, cause all your plans to change, and make your life a little less yours. In the end though, you believe it is worth it and that you will see a positive return.

It’s not always easy to make the decision to invest because there is the risk of it not working out. Causing you personal hurt, and it changes some of your concerns.

Many times though with good discernment and decision making, investing can be rewarding. Sure sometimes the market and relationships ride like a roller coaster. Times get scary and the economy sucks. The important part to remember is without the risk there is no chance of reward.

Religiosity vs. Spirituality

I’m quite sure the actual root word for rigid was religion. Sure there is a good reason to have boundaries and rules, but is religion really the answer? Is religion, really what we want and what we need? Was religion really God’s thoughts on how we should fulfill our spiritual need? Would God really confine our spirituality with such limits?

Would God create something so strict and full of confines, and structure? Religion has lines to stay in and that are black and white. It has guidelines to follow and a mindset that can be restrictive. Rituals that seem to come in many forms, and have they’re own regulations. There is no allowance for creativeness in many religions. It’s almost as if the religion would fall apart without such structure.

Also in religion there is a thought, that there must be an answer for everything. A belief that those in charge have the answers, that they can have more wisdom than the lay people. That those in charge and the authority, comes from the religion. There is little responsibility given or received for the members, rather they only receive what the religion or its leaders give.

We were created with a spiritual need. A need to reach up and out to something bigger than us. I believe that something is God, not religion. God created a spiritual need in us for Him. Spirituality is about you and God. God that is three in one; God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. We have a need for every piece of Him, for a relationship with Him. We get that relationship from first hearing God the Father from our creation, accepting God the Son as our savior, and connecting with God the Holy Spirit.

Spirituality is the connection that you make with God. It has no limits or boundaries, its pure without perversions. There are not rules needed, when its purist form. There is a need for creativity because we each relate to God in different ways. You don’t have to sing hymns to worship Him. Being spiritual gets rid of the specific rituals and allows for a true relationship.

When you are spiritual rather than religious, you have the power to obtain knowledge, there is no filter it must go through. The authority comes only from God, His will is done. Great responsibility also comes with spirituality, because there is no one else to blame for sins or mistakes than yourself. On the upside, the more spiritual you are and the closer the relationship you have with your creator, the less you will need rules. Instead you will consistently find yourself in the right because God is guiding your path.

Am I saying that organized religion is totally in the wrong? By no means am I saying that. What I am saying is that religion sometimes can get in the way with worship and our relationship with God. It can hinder us if we get caught up in religion and forget about the relationship.

Sure there is also worship in religion and rituals can be a great way to worship our creator. I believe the key is not getting so caught up in the religion that we become distant from God. Thus is the reason it is always more important to be spiritual than religious.

It's Called Falling for a Reason

Falling for someone, falling in love, falling out of love, falling for a joke, or falling down; it’s called falling for a reason. Falling because there is no rhyme or reason for why it happens. No logic behind its happenings or occurring. Most of the time it’s not even preventable.

Sure there are steps and precautions we can take, but they aren’t full-proof. For some strange reason you can’t help but fall sometimes. Even if you’re careful, even if you’re fully aware, even if you know better gravity kicks in.

Gravity can come in many forms. It’s constantly pulling on us and taking us where we don’t really want to go. Pulling us towards the wrong person or people. Making us naïve even when we usually aren’t. It helps us fall. As if we need help falling, like we don’t do it well enough already on our own.

Then sets in the emotions, typically embarrassment comes first. Rosie red cheeks and ducking through the stares we try to avoid it, but even our body is reacting to the fact that we were out of control, our actions were out of control. Who or what just did that? Who said we could let affection come into the picture? Who said we could believe that or trust that we were going to stay upright?

Falling is not about permission, it’s barely even about choice. It’s just happens. Happens when you least expect it. Happens even when you are most prepared. Something triggers you to stumble into this crazy path and you fall.

That is why it is called falling. Because it may never make sense. And there may never be a reason. You just do it, you just fall.




How was your trip? Did you have a nice fall?

Preparedness for Closure

I don’t care who you are, people need a certain amount of closure. A time to find an ending, in order to have a new beginning. Closure many times helps us process through the situation.

Typically it occurs after the event happens. Whether it is a death, breakup, moving of a friend, loss of something, or disappointment; you can expect a person to seek after and gain closure after the event. It’s what helps them heal and recover.

Closure for me, seems to often occur at a totally different time than expected. I have this crazy ability to work through most things before they even occur. To be okay with the circumstance when I don’t even know the final outcome. Even as a child I can remember losing a pet and shedding a few tears but I was over it in no time, usually by the end of the day. I’ve had friends that told me they were moving away and sure I was sad, but the sadness usually ended about 2 weeks before they even moved.

Maybe it’s because I grieve while they still are here. I can remember doing that with my Granny. I grieved her death after her first stroke. Sure she was still alive for another 2 years, but she was never able to function well again. She was no longer to me, the person I knew as my Granny. So when she did pass, I had already shed my tears and went through the motions for everyone else.

I have even found myself even frustrated that something took so long to occur, because I had already resolved the closure part and it was still here. Like the before my God-brother went to Iraq. We knew it was happening; we had his going away party. Then it took was a couple more weeks before he went and I kept thinking to myself, “can’t you go ahead and go and get it over with?” He did end up going and made it back safely, but that time before he went was so annoying to me, I was done with the situation after the going away party.

I’m not sure why I am this way. Maybe because I try to always be prepared for any situation. Possibly because I lived most of the days of my life knowing that so and so wouldn’t be in my life forever so I might as well invest everything that I can, right now.

Whatever it is, it works for me. It helps me give all that I can right now while knowing I will be alright if there is not a next time. It’s a sort of preparedness for closure.

Marriage has It’s Benefits

Get your mind out of the gutter! I’m talking about financial benefits. As a single person with friends and family who are married, I definitely know of some of the financial benefits marriage has to offer.

No wonder single-sex couples want civil unions or marriages, there’s definitely some money to be saved and benefits to receive.

Consider a typical living situation of a married couple with two incomes: each person only has to pay ½ of the rent, ½ utilities, ½ of a meal cooked for 2, and can do a shared load of laundry. You can save on insurance because you have multiple policies. The government puts you in a different tax bracket. You can combine your credit scores for better interest rates (sometimes this isn’t a benefit). Also, the cost of repairs and emergency funding can automatically be split.

There are entertainment benefits too. Such as not spending the money to hang out with friends all the time because you have each other. You can rent a movie and split the cost. Carpooling to event is definitely an option. You also know double the people. Oh and don’t forget the option of sharing books, games, electronics, and sometimes clothing (that favorite hoodie).

Oh and I don’t want to forget the fringe benefits as well. these are the ones that are the cherry on the op of the sundae. Such as the ability to be on each other’s medical insurance, or the offer to get a discount or free trip because of the other’s job. Then there is my favorite benefit that I can actually offer myself someday, free tuition for college.

Too bad these benefits only come with marriage; I could sure use a couple of then right now as a single.

Damsel in Distress

According to Wikipedia (a totally unsound resource) a damsel in distress is usually a young woman placed in a dire predicament by a villain who requires a hero to dash to her rescue.

I’m picturing the Princess off of Super Mario Brothers. I mean she is the whole reason you want to win the game right? She has a need and all the hero characters in the game are trying to meet that need. Her needs becomes a part of they’re needs to do something for somebody or someone.

As humans we have an inherited need to fulfill others needs, its part of what makes our friendships and relationships work. We need each other. We need to interact and to take care of each other. Some people have more needs others have less. You can help some people in small ways and other people in big ways.

Damsels though, their needs seem to take precedence when you are talking about the male sex. After all, the male sex likes to be heroes. They also love to do things that make them manlier or at least things that are stereotyped “manly.” A guy doesn’t even have to be interested in a relationship with a girl and they will step right up to help her change her tire or fix the lock of her door. Although it definitely helps if he is interested in being with her, it allows him to check one more thing off his list of things to do while perusing her.

Could I actually ever be one of those though? Is there a benefit to being one of those? We’ve all seen them, girls, even women, who for some reason seem to need help with everything from opening a jar to having their kitchen sink fixed. There’s not anything necessarily wrong with that. Not everyone is strong enough to actually open tough jars nor do they have they knowledge of basic plumbing.

The difficulty I find is that I am strong enough to open jars and do know how to fix kitchen sinks. I was a Daddy’s girl and my dad’s son at the same time. So I learned how to do most of those things that women usually ask men to help them with. Those traits make me pretty independent and easily able to take care of myself. Does that make me too independent though? Does it make me almost unable to receive assistance from friends or even males? Am I unable to be a Damsel in Distress?

What if a guy is not able to feel like my hero based on the fact that I am rarely, if ever a Damsel in Distress? Is there real benefit to a guy feeling needed by a Damsel?

Most importantly I want to know isn’t it nicer sometimes when the guy doesn’t have to be constantly helping out the Damsel? Is it not more appealing later down the relationship, that the woman can tend to some of the repairs and fixes that a damsel might still need him to do.

I know my bro-in-law definitely appreciated not having to install a new kitchen faucet because my sister did it. My friend Melinda’s husband likes that she enjoys throwing hay to the cattle and that’s one last thing he has to do.

So will I need help? Definitely. Will I ask for help? Probably not. Will I accept it if offered? More than likely. Will I ever truly be a Damsel in Distress? I think not.

Do You Ever Wonder Why People Do the Things They Do?

(A blog written 10/14/08 and finalized 11/12/08)

I wonder often why people do the things they do. Why did he wear that outfit? Why did she ask me that question? A person can drive themselves nuts wondering about other peoples motives. Although sometimes it seems reasonable to wonder, we may never really know the truth.

We might not ever know because maybe that person doesn’t even know themselves why they always like to wear heels on Thursdays or wants hugs from everyone before they leave. Not everyone is self-aware and most times they just get caught up doing the things they do and have no clue why.

There have been a couple of random situations lately that I was just curious why so and so did that or continue to do that. Sometimes it wouldn’t even matter a “hill of beans” if I really found out why, but still I question.

In the end though, we can’t get so caught up in other people’s motives or reasons behind their actions. I suppose we just have to trust their judgment or at least their impulses. Impulses that may have no logical sense what-so-ever, but they still happen. Those impulses have gotten them this far. I mean they are still alive, still have friends, still have clothes, and still have relationships, no matter how unreasonable they may be.

Unless, of course we are involved in the situation at question personally, and feel that we can ask the person why they did what they did. That by no means gives a reason or right to ask, but if for some reason we get curious enough, we might. Just know that people have their responses and sometimes the response is none-ya, meaning none of your business.

As frustrating as it might be, it is important to know that sometimes: you may always wonder, never know, and people might not ever have a real reason for the things they do.

Genderial Influence

Why does is matter? Why do I care? So what if chemically and physically he is male. Why does being male make me react so differently than if he were not?

Why does it make me care more about his opinions? I notice more when I get attention from males. I appreciate the time we spend together more. I’m able to be more mellow and calm. I’m even able to see myself in a different way in reflection to how he acts around and about me.

It doesn’t even have to be a specific “HIM” just a him. Then every reaction in me is different: anger, fear, rejection, kindness, and humor is different if a male is involved.

I hate that a specific gender can have such an impact on me. There is not a true understanding why either. Sure I’ve had good men in my life, but I’ve had crappy ones too.

It matters though. Matters in how I see myself. Makes a difference about whether or not I’m comfortable in a situation. Alters the perception of myself in a circumstance. It even changes my reaction and actions.

I could careless many times what females think but what guys think, matters the more to me. Sure my girls love me (I don’t take that for granted EVER), but all the love from all of those girls seems to be in the shadow of how my guys feel about me. If something is messed up between me and one of my guys, I will fix it 10 times faster than an issue with a girl. I’ll even put up with more crap from a guy then I ever will a girl.

Sometimes though, the pendulum does swing and a guy lets me down. Sure it’s a hard hit but it hits me totally different than when a girl lets me down. Suddenly I question what I might have done to cause this. Even though rationally I know the guy is responsible too, for his actions. I still can’t help my gut reaction.

This thought and feeling about guys has always been with me, even from childhood. Not only does it affect my immediate surroundings but also those I have left behind. For this specific reason is why I knowledgeably keep guy friends “on call.” Literally, all over the country. Guys that I know care for me deeply no matter how long it’s been since we’ve talked. It’s a kind of therapy to call one of them up. A therapy I couldn’t be more grateful for.

I know these things and I recognize them. There is even some understanding of them. I know I’m not alone in these feelings so I don’t really try to hide it. It will always be there. Even if it has an influence on how I see myself. My hope is, it can only make me better because of me trying to improve.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a strong sense of self and self esteem. However, I am not blinded by the fact that it is also influenced by the male species. That they unknowingly play into how I view myself.

Are they responsible? Maybe partly. Although, I will always have my own reasons why I do this. I don’t have all the answers why. Though I do know a few, but the reasons are different for everyone. Maybe there is some kind of safety I find in my reasoning.

I know this might and probably will change some day, but for now I consider it one of my crazy coping mechanisms in this chaotic time period I’m given called life. Afterall, it can't hurt to try to continuously improve, no matter how the change is brought about.

What Girls Really See

This is the counter blog for the first rough and tumble of a blog, written as ponderings about guy’s eyesight. Males are not the only guilty parties in this game, and it’s only fair to expose what I know about the female habits on this subject. In hopes of course that a male or two will speak up about how they see.

Girls talk, that’s how I know what physical appearance is to them. Granted there are as many different preferences as there are body types. If you were allowed to listen to one of these conversations you would hear things like: I like tall guys, well as long as he’s taller than me, what do you think about abs cuz I think they are a must, I’m not really into abs I prefer biceps, he’s gotta have a cute smile and pretty teeth, Oooh I dated this guy once with dimples-so cute, I never thought I would like guys with facial hair but I dig it, I like my guy to be bigger built, not me I like skinny boys...

It’s a great thing too, because I’ve seen the male species and not even brothers can be guaranteed to have similar characteristics. Girls look, unless they are blind, but I’m pretty sure even blind people can tell beauty with their fingertips. So naturally there are going to be things that attract us to this or that guy. So maybe then is when we get fixated on this or that characteristic, whether it be his smile, the gleam in his eye, or the exact height he is when we are standing next to each other. A fixation that creates enough of an attraction through the help of a little chemistry and hormones, to want us to see what this guy is about.

Sure you may be the hottest guy in the room, but that won’t keep our attention for real dating, unless you have something to go along with it. We see your physical features then we want to know what goes beyond them. What is behind your bulging biceps or cute pudgy belly, that reminds us of our favorite teddy bear and makes us want to melt in your arms. Is there sincerity in your eyes or a bad boy behind that smirk?

What I am saying is, girls use physical features as a lead-in. They don’t want to just stop there and collect 200 hundred dollars (although if you handing it out…). Girls want to get to know you, to see if you would be good to spend time with or introduce to their friends. Sure they will appreciate it when their gals make comments about your appearance but what really melts their heart is the sweet things you do, how you make them feel, and how you interact.

What to do if you don’t think you are cute enough to check yourself out in the mirror? Get some confidence, man confidence is HOTT!!! Know what you want and know that you can get it, if you try hard enough. Sure sometimes the girls will say no, but the hop right back up and give it another go. Or get a gal pal to point out what you have that makes you different from all the other guys. Different types of guys can definitely get certain girls interested.

Oh and if you seem to always be striking out read my previous blog, learn a few lessons about how you are seeing and try a new perspective.

What Do Guys Really See?

This is not an easy blog to write, nor is it an easy subject to talk about. However, in my search for balance and understanding, I sometimes have to ask different questions or discuss tough topics. I hope I cover all the viewpoints necessary and I encourage helpful feedback.

What does a single guy see when he is looking for a perspective date? By see I mean many things: body, personality, confidence, and intelligence. Or least that is what I hope that the male species see’s. Many times though I’m afraid that guys stop at the first characteristic I mentioned and never give the others a thought. Am I saying that you should date someone you don’t find attractive? Heaven’s NO! What I’m trying to understand though is what a guy does think when he see’s the actually physical appearance of this or that girl?

I’m not going to play dumb so first off I’m going to say what goes through many guy’s minds when they see a hott girl (WARNING: the next sentence is rated R for sexual content). Man that girl would be nice to F***, sleep with, add other physical activities of those natures. Well, maybe the guy has tamed his thoughts a little so in his mind pops this image of this trophy girlfriend on his arm that every guy wants to…(see verbs used in previous sentence) or at least his buddy’s are envious because his girl makes almost every guy in the room head’s turn.

I guarantee you they do not think anytime in the first few moments, that good looking woman would be a great mother to my children, a best friend, someone I would love to introduce to my parents, or the most interesting conversation in this room. Instead they are thinking, “me wanna touch” and “can I have one please?”

What do they see after that though? How long do guys really need to look at 36” 24” 36” until they realize that she just something pretty to look at, and she is so not the right girl for them? Key phrase “just not the right girl for them”! Meaning that yes they too may find their own beautiful woman someday, they might not be as pretty as that one (in the worlds eyes anyway), but to him he will find one that knocks his socks off.

The other important thing for guys to remember when looking at girls that are Hott, is Paris Hilton, but really who wants to spend an extended amount of time with that girl? (maybe I’m just jumping to conclusions here, but most guys I know might love the physical appearance of her, but really could they be entertained by her in a dating relationship?)

Here’s where I get down to the knitty gritty and ask tough questions that I don’t necessarily know the answers to and would love to have some explanation given.

Guys:
What takes you from physical attraction into actually wanting to date a girl?

How important is physical attraction and why?

Would you actually date a girl that isn’t a 10 in physical appearances, and what would make you do so?

Do you actually in vision yourself having a trophy wife and if so, what do you think influences that way of thinking?

Do you think that if you couldn’t actually see a girl’s appearance you could pick a better type of girl for yourself to date?

I’m going to give a couple of my opinions here in response to these questions, but I still want to know your answers.

Yes I understand there is something to be said about a girl that looks nice because she takes care of herself (you should also know that it is actually impossible for a lot of girls to be a size 4, so you shouldn’t expect it). Our bodies age with time and well we don’t always look as good as we did in our 20’s, things start to sag unless you make enough money for us to get it lifted. It is a fact then men are more visual and women are more emotional, but let’s face it: women let their emotions put up with butt holes…nough said?

Honestly I have no idea what takes you from physical attraction into wanting to date a girl. My guess is sometimes the initial date is to see how close you will be able to get to touching her, and you will continue to try to be allowed to touch her, even if it’s a kiss on the cheek or holding hands. Sometimes from the outside this looks like an impossible effort on your part, she’s there to look pretty and keep slapping your hand away and you keep thinking “OMG she just touched me, even if it was a slap.” Hopefully, the girl does have some personality and you actually begin to have a mental or emotional connection.

I believe most guys are after the trophy wife because they don’t know any better or they haven’t thought the decision through enough. You mean there are actually fun women to hang around that are smarter than me. I guess I can’t go after to them because that would actually require me to work in relationship rather than be rejected or keep running into the same kind of girls that aren’t my type but look so pretty anyway.

I definitely think the men of this generation and even of some of my friendship circles could use some blind folds. We are told that we can get whatever we want and the truth you can’t always have the prettiest girl. What you can have is the girl that is the prettiest to you. She makes your heart melt, that’s why you like her. If you were to honestly think about it, do you actually want to always be with the girl that all the other guys want, wouldn’t that put you at a bigger risk to have your heart broken when she moves on because well he’s a little hotter than you or makes more money?

In the end, I’m still a curious girl that wonders why in the heck physical genetics still has to play so much into the dating game, especially when survival of the fittest is so out dated. And I’m still wondering what do guys see?

Kid Gloves

I heard the pastor speak Sunday morning and reference using “kid gloves.” Kid gloves, not necessarily treating people like they are children. Rather, it’s treating people with tenderness and kindness you would use with a child.

What if we actually did that? We actually treated our fellow adults with the love and gentleness we would a child. Would we then still be as judgmental, harsh, short with words, fast to harm, and rude as we are now?

Let’s face it; we don’t always have each other’s best interest in heart. Heck, our culture is about self-gain, even if it means hurting everyone around you. We even hurt the people we are closest too sometimes just because of our own selfish means.

Now I know not everyone was nice as a child. Believe me; I met a few of you rascals out on the playground in 5th grade. The adults though, there was a certain gentleness that came from them. Most of them truly did want to protect our innocence and keep us safe from the harms of the world.

I guess I am just wondering if we could use those same Kid Gloves to treat our fellow man or at least our friends. Not to keep them naïve, but to handle them with care. Care that shows you only mean the best for them. Gloves that show you want everything to be alright. The thought process that thinks of a friend as someone that more times than not needs to be shielded from the harshness of this world. Then maybe, just maybe we can be the one that makes the difference.

A La Original

As some of you may know, I make a weekly patronage to Palm Coast. It is a very unique venue that features a coffee shop, restaurant, bar, courtyard, and live entertainment stage. My reason for going on Mondays is Acoustic Open Mike Night. This night is full of you guessed it…acoustic music.

Don’t think for a second though that it is all country or bluegrass. Sure they may pick a little on the banjo or mandolin throughout the night. When it picks up though, you can hear everything from Journey to the Beatles and much, much more.

Now I have never claimed to be a music connoisseur and honestly I do not know a lot of bands or songs. Sure I’ve listened to music my whole life, but as I later found out by moving to the South, there are sooooo many songs I have never heard. So I enjoy my Monday nights of live acoustic music, not only for pleasure but for education purposes. I now know who sings “Wild Horses” (The Rolling Stones), and songs with guitar solos that take up more time in the song than the lyrics, are acceptable. So as you can imagine, my taste in music has increased and so has the number of songs I know.

Accept they forgot to tell me one thing, until a couple of weeks ago. See I thought I was enjoying my Palm Coast Mondays listening to these artist play other people’s songs. When in fact many of the musicians play their own original pieces. How was I to know? I mean it all just sounded like music that I hadn’t heard before and sure I liked the song, “bbbbbbblack slacks” but I had no idea that it was an original.

Then last night I was talking to one of the musicians and he informed me that a lot of the songs I was hearing, were originals. What?!?! You mean the guy that always sings the sad songs that seem like they are acoustic remixes of metal band lyrics, is singing a song he wrote himself? Way to mess with a girl’s head. Here I thought I was adding to a list of southern rock songs and old favorites that I didn’t know and now I find out that actually no one else knows these!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. The originals are amazing and I don’t know what I’m going to do the next Monday that I can’t hear “bbbbbbblack slacks.” If you haven’t heard it, it’s a must and I am even considering recording it on my camera so that I can get my fix throughout the week. They could have told me though, or should I have known? Who knew so much talent and original writings could have shown up on random Monday nights?

So I guess I’m back to square one and still trying to add to the list of songs that should know but don’t. Now I just get to add in these favorite originals too!

He Won’t Find Me Spinning My Wheels

Okay, I’m guilty of looking, I admit that though. What I don’t want to be guilty of is fawning. Getting so wrapped up in the possibilities of being with x or y guy that I miss out, miss out on friendship and the relationships with people around me.

Sure I’ve been there before, caught up by every move he makes, trying to figure out his motives. Asking myself if he called because of friendship or for something else? Wondering what this attention he is giving me is all about, sometimes finding out that he was oblivious to the fact that he was even giving me attention. Then, getting all caught up about what is up with him. It’s not worth it to me anymore!

Not worth wasting the time or will power. Too much time has been wasted already on times like this and I’m just over it. Sure I might sound like a girl that has been told recently that the guy I had an interest in isn’t interested back. Actually, this is not the case at all! I am just seen once again what a waste of time it once was.

It was sort of like when I was a child with training wheels on my bike. For no real reason, I would find a small dip and place my bike to where I could pedal all I wanted but get no traction. Then for stints of time I would just be “spinning my wheels.” Was it entertaining? Yes. Was it exercise? Sure. Was I getting anywhere? Not really. So what was the benefit? I wasted some time. Time I had to waste back then. But time I am not willing to waste anymore.

Does he like me? That is not really my concern anymore. Can we have a friendship and people to hang around with in a group and be friends? That is definitely more important!

Not So Beneficial Friendships

A So Called Perfect Substitute for What we desire.

Friends with benefits, we’ve all heard of it. Some of us have even tried it, but do we really know the consequences?

Do we understand that the so called benefits could actual be harming us? Unnoticeably, scaring us emotionally and possibly even physically. Taking the sheer joy of friendship and manipulating it into a form of “it’s complicated” relationship. The major problem is, to one party involved all it is or ever will be is friendship. Unfortunately though, the other party will not have the same thoughts or emotions about the situation.

Those of you with beneficial friendships; past, present or future will fight me on this. The truth is I’m RIGHT! There is NEVER a way to have a balanced friendship with benefits. Rather it is a way the non-committal person to have the physical benefits of a relationship while the other party is suffering and trying to constantly convince themselves, this is what I want.

Emotionally one party gets caught up in so called needs being fulfilled. Sure it feels good to be kissed and to be called on constantly. That’s what you want our of a romantic relationship, and since you can’t have the relationship you want, you convince yourself that whatever takes care of those needs is okay. You claim that if the relationship possibility came up, you could go for it and leave the beneficial friendship behind. What you are really doing is making excuses and creating more emotional baggage. Oh and don’t forget the fact that even if you do find yourself in a romantic relationship, you will use your beneficial friend as a basis of comparison in this new relationship. How fair is that?

While the other party enjoys the thrill of obtaining a once again easy cop-out. It’s a scary pattern the person who doesn’t want a relationship; they get caught up in the thrill of non-commitment. A thrill that ultimately leads them to replacing their beneficial friends on a regular basis because after too long it feels like a romantic relationship. They can’t stop themselves from constantly wondering who or what else is out there to help them feel that thrill again. Meanwhile, losing friendships along the way. Does that matter to them?

Oh and don't forget the fact that there will always be an akwardness about the friendship. Imagine introducing your spouse some day to the person that you casually allowed in your life.

We are a society of quick fixes though, so it does not surprise me that so many of us fall into this temptation. Sure it seems innocent enough. You know it’s just like playing “spin the bottle.” But it’s not! It’s an excuse, an excuse we make, with consequences that are way bigger than what we might consider.

Wake up people! NO the beneficial friend is NEVER going to enter into a relationship with you or fulfill the desires you have for a romantic relationship.

Non-committal manipulator, you are stuck in a serious pattern that could have life-long consequences. Do not think that you can stop these behaviors just because you turn 30.

And for goodness sake, STOP settling!

You have a Booger in Your Nose

I always say, you are only a true friend if you will tell your friends that they have a booger in their nose. I mean friends are set aside to take care of each other. If you can’t tell the people you are closest to, things about themselves, then who can you tell? Or who can the friends count on?

Think of that embarrassing moment that happened once, maybe in childhood. You are walking around the playground, strutin your new Nike’s and you realize that everyone is looking at you. It’s not quite the attention you were expecting either. Their faces have a look of disgust or laughter. No your best bud didn’t tell you that some strange form of mucus has decided to dry out, then snuck through your nasal passages, and hung on for dear life right around your nostril opening. The strange beast was exactly what everyone was staring out and who knows for how long?

Little Jimmy or Jenny didn’t even say a word about it, to you anyway. They may have told Stephanie or Stephen but not you. Sure it was just a booger, but seriously this incident has repercussions that could impact your whole day or school year (grade school kids are mean like that). In the end, all it would have taken to avoid this whole situation is a simple comment about the booger that was spotted as you had hopped in line for the slide.

Hopefully, now that we are older, we have the ability and care enough to inform our friends about their boogers or possible tooth debris. Does that transfer to other situations too though? If we have a real friendship, which is different than an acquaintance, could or would we tell them the truth? Especially if the truth could prevent them from making an embarrassing mistake.

Say your friend has this crazy habit of repeating the same stories over and over again. I mean it’s not the end of the world, but with a little help you could make them aware of this fact. Then if they wanted to do something about it, they could and therefore, maybe improve their life or possibly their friend’s lives.

You say something because you care, because you would want them to say it to you. It’s never fair to tell Stephanie or Stephen first. Sure it’s not easy, and sometimes you might need advice on how to say it. In the end, if you notice it or have heard about it and the other person won’t say something, use your best judgment, but don’t leave your friend in the dark.

Sure I’ve been guilty of not saying something to the person and for that, shame on me. I wouldn’t have wanted to be treated that way and I feel very sorry that I did that to a friend. Maybe that was my booger for the day that I walked around with and just thought I was talking about someone else’s when mine was 10 times more noticeable.

Don’t leave your friends strutin around at social gatherings with boogers. Care enough to say something. Care enough to address it as soon as it is appropriate. Care enough to let them tell you about your boogers too.

P.S. I wonder how many people checked their nose for boogers while reading this blog?

Would We Have Hung Out in High School?

I love my friends, Every stinkin’ one of them! One of them, Kim, and I were discussing a conversation her and her fiancé had, because of the new 90201 that is now playing on the CW. He mentioned the fact that in high school the “Kelli’s” were his type of girl. Okay no big deal right? Except the fact that Kim is not a “Kelli,” she is a self proclaimed “Brenda.” Which is definitely a different type of girl. This brings about a very interesting question? Would they have dated in high school? (Don’t worry; Kim and Karl are still together, despite this discovery.)

Throughout the rest of their conversation it was not only questioned whether or not they would have dated, but also would they have been friends? Now we all know high school (the public kind is the one I will be referring to, but this may also be true for private schools), or at least we understand high school as sort of a “rite of passage” that we go through. We were immature, but so was everyone else. Thus is why we had cliques and chains of command.

Each clique, stereotyped group, and crowd served their purpose in high school. They created a way to function amongst the mix of people. Sure, many times functioning meant conformity, but even most of those that didn’t conform made it through. Although we cannot assume that everyone was happy about it.

We know the names of the crowds and if we are true to ourselves, we know where we fit in. Me, I was a “floater” I didn’t really have a particular group I fit into and generally befriended everyone. Although, some people might have put me in the group of the “good-kids” and that’s fine. I suppose to me though, the group you really belonged to, was the one you hung out with outside of school. For me, I never hung out with the “popular crowd” outside of school, maybe the “aggies,” “smart kids,” or a mix of people from every crowd.

Believe me; I am not bitter about this, read the rest of this blog to understand why. However, I know the type of people that did hang out in that crowd. They were a tight knit crew that had seemed to know each other forever. You knew who they were. The ones in Homecoming Court, involved in Student Council, and participated in athletics.

Now I am 7 years out of high school and 1000 miles away. I have made a whole bunch of different friends, and most are a total different breed than I hung out with in high school. My best friends are: an indie-band loving/ popular girl, a band geek/ex-goth girl, pep club groupie/ prom queen, a smart kid/2nd tier popular, a baseball player/ partier, and class clown/good kid. How is that for a mix?

The common thread though, that more than likely most of us wouldn’t have hung out in high school. I would always be more of a “Brenda” than a “Kellie.” Most importantly, it doesn’t matter that we wouldn’t have hung out in high school. Rather it is important that we are now more capable of finding people worthwhile to befriend, no matter which group they were in.

No doubt about it, you can still tell who the popular kids were, sometimes. Especially the other day when I went to a social gathering and felt like I was hanging out with the whole ex- Homecoming Court of a local high school. The difference is hopefully time has changed us and we can see people more than their social status. That we see them as real beings we can befriend and share our lives with them. Then it doesn’t even matter if we would have been friends in high school.

If you Feel that Way, it’s because you Chose to.

We are all entitled to our own feelings, but more than that, we are in charge of them. This means you feel a certain way because you allow yourself to do so. No one can force you to feel a certain way. Sure feelings and emotions are influenced by others. But when you say someone made you feel that way, you are allowing another person to have control over you. You are handing them a key and allowing them to make decisions about how you react.

Sometimes that emotion is that you have been hurt or wronged; you do not have permission to sulk in this feeling. You cannot alienate the person who might have offended you either. Rather you are responsible for addressing your offender. This keeps you liable.

Anger is a very strong emotion, and no one can make you angry, rather you choose to let other’s actions cause you to be angry. You can choose how to handle your anger and you must do so. It is very important to understand that only you can decide what to do with your anger, and taking it out on someone else, should never be an option.

If there something that causes you to feel joy, consider that a blessing. The feelings of joy and happiness are a blessing. However, it is not other people’s responsibility to help you feel happy or joyful. It is your choice to be receptive to joy and happiness.

Affections and interest for the opposite sex can be some of the hardest feeling to responsible for, not only for singles but couples as well. We can say all we want that we were “lead on” or that the other person caused us to be swayed. It is still our decision to keep those feelings in check. Maybe you have an interest and it is not returned, the other person does not need to leave the group because you don’t share the same affections. Rather you need to figure out what you are going to do with those emotions. If you are in a couple and start to be attracted to someone besides your significant other. Guess what, you also get to squash those feelings and transition them back to your special someone. Love is a choice.

To feel wanted, needed, and as a part of the group is at first your responsibility. Sometimes we are lucky and the group is embracing. If this not the case, jump in and get to know the people. It is wonderful if help you feel included, but you have to do your part.

Perception of the situation is the main way of interpreting your feelings. What better way to do something about your emotions than to change your perspective. Put yourself in other’s shoes. Loafers definitely feel different than high heels and “how are you doing?” is different than “how you doin’!” Maybe their actions weren’t intentional rather it just seemed that way from your perspective.

We are emotional beings and our outlook on life will continuously be affected by that. Do your part though and be accountable for where you are emotionally. There are too many people out there using others as excuses rather than reasons. Reason with yourself and choose to be in control of your decisions instead of letting others control you.

Accenting your Attributes

Isn’t it funny how women with big luscious lips are the ones who normally have lip stuff on? When in fact lip stuff was kinda designed for women with smaller less noticeable lips, so that they could enhance them. My friend Ashley and I have had this conversation before. I believe we attributed this behavior to accenting your attributes.

We actually see this behavior happen more often then we realize. Let’s think about this. Guys with larger biceps wear shirts that fit tightly around their arms. Girls like to accessorize their small waist lines. And don’t forget about those jeans that are made to fit just right on either sex. Yeah you know what I’m talking about, stop picturing it in your head already.

Why do we do this though? Is there a real purpose for accenting your assets? I believe there is, even though it might seem kind of carnal at first. We are people of our senses. One of the first one’s used is sight. Many times we wanna looky-looky before we touchy-touchy. (This is probably a good thing because objects that appear sharp usually are).

We can’t help but draw attention to ourselves. The fun part though is choosing what people to look at first. Hopefully, every one of us knows what our desirable traits are. At least we think we do, and if those traits are physical ones, then guess what! We accent them.

Some might also call this, “putting your best foot forward.” And why not? There should be something about each of us that we really truly love. There is nothing wrong with self confidence. We are created beings and our Creator loves us, so why shouldn’t we love ourselves?

Consider the male peacock. What if he just walked around all the time dragging his tail feathers along? No one would ever get to see the beauty of his plumage. Sure some others might be bigger or brighter, but his is unique. Unique enough to still exist. The mere existence could be shown at the right time and then that moment can never be changed back. It could be his most pivotal moment too.

Am I recommending that every woman wear make-up and every man find that perfect fit jean? No, I could never say that. What I am saying is figure out what it is you just love about yourself. Then accent it, show your plumage!

The Process of Finding Our Identity in as a Part of a Couple

My sister got married to her husband of 4 years, when she was 18 and he was 19. At that time both of them sort of knew who they were and what they needed in a relationship. There was also a lot to be found out.

It has been discovered by many psychological theorists that between the ages of early adulthood (18-24), a person goes through a series of discoveries about who they are as an individual. Sometimes it happens during this period and for others it happens later. This is when your own personal world view develops, although it is some-what shaped by others.

Also during this time you begin to discover how the products of nurture and nature have created you into a unique being. Beyond that you start to have an identity outside of your family. Many of their beliefs and understandings may be similar, but they take on a personal trait within your personality.

I learned a lot about myself during this stage of development. I found out that the boys I liked in high school would have been totally wrong for me. I also began to discover those traits that were uniquely mine. That helped me determine which characteristics I appreciated in the opposite sex and which ones I crinkled my nose about. Prioritizing those characteristics I needed in a relationship versus things that aren’t that important, became apparent during this time. Some people call this being picky or trying to find the perfect man. I call it trying to find someone I’m compatible with.

Since my sister and her husband were so young when they married, they got to go through this stage together. Were they lucky or better off? I don’t know if I could determine that either way. They just got to go through the stages together. So their world view and what they want in a relationship is shaped by each other. Don’t get me wrong it was hard work for them and their work has not ended. But they continue to become what each other needs. Sort of like they started out as a semi-blank slate then got to fill in each others connecting dots.

It doesn’t always work out that way though and sometimes during those trying times couples break up. They determine they are not what each other needs. Sometimes this period can wedge a couple apart and they will keep trying to make it work, but it just doesn’t. My sister and her husband did succeed in this part of their journey so far, and both of them continue to cooperate in order to end up successful in the end.

Me on the other hand, I went through that stage on my own. I didn’t have anyone to model after. No one modeled after me either. So now instead of just drawing a picture together, we get to take the already partially drawn picture and assemble the puzzle. Which I admit is a little more difficult in some ways and a little easier in others.

I am by no means looking for the perfect fit. I am however, continuing to look for a good fit. At least good enough that a picture starts to form. Then we can fill in the rest of the picture with characteristics we develop together.

It takes a while though and I’ll definitely need helps along the way. I’m taking it as slow as I can though. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I know when the pieces don’t fit right, the pieces aren’t meant to be together.

Would my sister and her husband be together now if they hadn’t met back then and gone through this stage separately? That is not for us to ask. What I do know is that even though we may find people in different ways, eventually each couple that is meant to be finds each other. No matter how they go through the stages of developing their personality.

The Economy of Hiring

This blog is for my dear friend Amy. Today she got the excuse from a perspective employer, that they wouldn’t hire her because of the economy. Does that really make sense though? I guess it does if you are in the hear and now form of thought. What if they would have thought that way during the Great Depression?

Some people did think that way back then, during the hard times. I’m not sure how they got through and I know they weren’t prosperous, because we never hear their stories. What if Rockefeller would have said, I’m not going to make investments because the economy is bad? What if the farmers didn’t want to put forth the money to take their crops elsewhere to sell? They would have then let their crops spoil and would have had no money, instead of having less profit.

What if every employer said, “Lets not hire them because, no body is buying anything.”? Then wondering why people aren’t buying anything. Wake up people! If you don’t give people jobs, so that they have money to spend, then guess what! They can’t spend it!

No wonder our economy is bad, no body has jobs and therefore they don’t have any money. Or at least not any real money. Can this change, sure it can. Big profit businesses can invest in new employees. Smaller profit businesses can at least hire some people on part-time. But creating a hiring freeze so that no one can get a job, definitely is not the answer.

I’m sure everyone just sat on their tuffs during the great depression and watched all the devastation. No, they kept on working, they new it would turn around. They didn’t even ask the government for specific help. People made a way and they didn’t layoff people like they were nothing.

Moral of the story: People need to be hiring right now. That way there is new money to put into our economy instead of more and more draining out. No matter how we got here, what needs to be done right now is, making every effort to get ourselves our of this situation.

The Responsibility of Wisdom

Wisdom comes to us in many forms. It can be obtained through books, experiences, listening, or innately. Some people have more, some less. The important thing is, “What do you do with the wisdom you have?”

Yesterday in church my pastor mentioned several great opportunities about having wisdom. Then he mentioned one responsibility. We are accountable for every bit of Wisdom we know. Wow that’s a hard pill to swallow.

I mean, I’ve always been glad about the amount of wisdom I have obtained in this lifetime. Not that it was anything I could ever boast or brag about. There have been many life-lessons learned in the process. I even put a great deal of my wisdom into practice in my everyday life. Never did it occur to me that not only was I allowed to be wise, I am also accountable for it.

This makes me think twice about praying anymore prayers like David prayed. Although it doesn’t necessarily stop me from wanting to obtain more knowledge. Responsibility isn’t a bad thing and what if what I know and have learned can help someone else out. Then it would be worth to me and hopefully to them too.

So as scary as it might be and as much as I might have to choose different actions, I choose to be accountable for the wisdom I have or will have. May I not take it for granted or make choices against what is wise. And if I do something unwise, may I be able to take account for it.

No matter how great of a responsibility it might be, I choose not only continue to become more wise, but also help others in their efforts. I believe we could all benefit from some more wise and accountable individuals in our world.

Coming off the Market isn’t that Easy

(Written 8/18/08 the relationship ended 8/24/08. A lot of lessons were learned and even though we found out we were different people, and I ended the relationship. I would not have wanted to miss out of on this experience.)

I have been on the dating market for a long time. Things have changed now and I have a relationship. I have an actual boyfriend, a guy that cares a lot about me and getting to know me. This is something I have wanted for who knows how long. The funny thing is, I am now learning what it’s really all about.

I am not used to being a part of a couple. Most times I don’t even know how to react. People make it look so natural. How do they do this? I have 25 years of it just being me, At least 15 of those I might have thought about wanting a relationship, but all I really knew was what I saw and understood from others.

It scares me, but in a good way. I don’t know what is to come. I hope and pray the best, but I have to put myself out there. I actually have to risk being hurt in order to risk being loved. I have to trust that words spoken are genuine and he has to trust the same from me.

My life dynamic has changed; even now my decisions aren’t my own. A simple trip to the beach on Sunday is no longer a simple trip. Now it has become a decision to be made between the two of us, especially if we are both off work. I by no means have to ask him about every decision and choice I make, but I find myself thinking of him when I make choices and decisions.

All my life I have watched others start and maintain relationships. I constantly tried to understand the things I was seeing them do and actions that changed their lives. I might have even persecuted a few of them for “dropping off the face of the earth.” I still do not understand a lot of their actions but more and more they are making sense.

There is so much to be discussed at the beginning of a relationship. I want to talk to him a lot. Moments away sometimes seems like hours or days. I wonder if these feelings change, I am sure they do. For now though, I want there to be less time apart and more time together.

However, I won’t become one of THOSE people though; both he and I know there is a balance. A balance to the amount of time spent together and a balance to the type of time spent together. We know it is as vital to maintain our lives and our friendships, as it is for us to work on our relationship.

It crosses my mind now more. He crosses my mind. I’ve never had that feeling. I have never been taken off of the shelf. The shopping cart is a lil creepy. My hope is the cash register is insight, but there may be a whole long journey before we get there. Here’s hoping I never have to be put back on the shelf. Because I know sometimes when that happens a person is placed on the wrong shelf and a whole new situation.

Part of this is about the experience though; the ride through the aisles and the bargaining that gets made. Not that I am giving up everything or that he is giving up anything, but a compromise is made and we make it together. We choose to remain marketable to each other. To refrain from the temptations of this world and only put those things in our basket that will edify us and God.

So although I am not on the market anymore, I can still be myself and he can be himself, but together we will become an even greater product. A product of hard work and determination. Something that doesn’t fade with time or wear and tear. He can help me understand what it is like to be a part of a relationship, and I can help him understand me. My hope and prayer is that together we can bring out the best in each other. That way it makes this journey that much easier.

What are Constitutional Rights?

This morning I read an article about a small town one of my friends is from. Apparently there is now a 24 hour curfew set in a specific area of the town, to cut down on crime at that location. So people are calling this a violation of constitutional rights.

I can see there point a little because, how can we tell people that they are not allowed outside? That they are not allowed to enjoy the sunshine in the middle of the day or the cool breeze of the night? Although I am pretty sure no one in the area is going outside to enjoy nature, because apparently if you did you would see nothing but crime occurring.

So the claim was made, that the curfew violates constitutional rights of freedom to gather and freedom of speech. It certainly does sound like the government is trying to act outside of their jurisdiction. But consider the cost of some of the citizen’s constitutional rights. Does it really make sense to give someone the freedom to assemble (for whatever legal or illegal reason they are assembling) and violate everyone else’s right to Not be killed injured or abused?

Is there a scale that weighs constitutional rights and puts one above the other? Logically it seems like there should be. It makes sense that someone should have safety before freedom of speech. However, our rights are not laid out like that; rather they are laid out as all being equal.

I suppose that is how freedom of speech and religion seem to go hand in hand. Although it seems that if you are offending someone with your speech about religion then you are violating their constitutional rights. I ask though, which right does that violate? Are we fighting the same battle with censorship versus non-censorship?

Now back to the case in question, is it okay, to violate one right in order to protect another? Maybe that is a question our government and law enforcement have to ask everyday. A question that the law abiding citizen that lives in a “safe” neighborhood might never have to ask, about this situation.

Are their actual rights being violated? There very well could be, but my question is, “If there are rights being violated, could this be happening for the greater good and therefore outweighs any other right?”

If so, who is the deciding factor? The judge, the jury, or the citizens that have to decide on a daily basis if they can step outside their door?

What a Distance a Difference Can Make

Yeah, you read the title right. Although some might understand it better if it were title, “What a Difference a Distance Can Make.” I’m talking about the actual measurable amount of time or distance put between two people or a decision that can make all the difference in the world.

The effect of this on relationships can happen in two different ways. One being the cliché “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” the other being time away can lead to a clearer responder. Which one is right depends upon your situation. Either way, it never hurts to put a few miles or minutes between you and a decision, in order to make sure the correct choice is made.

I have seen this several times in my own life. Back in Missouri, I considered dating a guy that I knew was all wrong for me. Why? Because when were together everything felt so right. When we were apart though, reality soaked in and I couldn’t deny that we should not date. I could have blindly spent my every moment of free time with him, but when we weren’t together, I knew we were just lying to each other. In this case, distance told me the truth that closeness wanted to lie to me about.

Moving to Georgia has taught me who my true friends are and have always been. One of my friends in particular stands out. I never knew how much effort we would both put in, to maintaining our friendship. Now I do though, and I think we even might be closer, at the time, due to the distance. It definitely makes it interesting. Now instead of sharing similar stories about the week’s happenings, we get to share double the stories ;)!

Outside of relationships we can consider how distance impacts our goals. A healthy minded individual has both long and short term goals. Think about what some of those goals might have been back in five years ago, compared to now. Time and space between the influences of our lives back then, has changed and molded what we want to have accomplished now. Does it mean we were wrong in having those goals back then? Definitely not. It does however, point out how different things can become with distance.

Life teaches us this lesson all the time. From people moving away, couples spending mass amounts of time together, making split second choices about eating habits, or taking time to find the perfect career. We can all learn a little patience and healthy distance.

So the next time you are faced with a situation that seems to always be by your side or maybe is occupying too much of your free time, allow a little distance to be there. Statistics have proven that most decisions are made at the beginning of the week, why? People have had time to put distance between the grind of the week and the decision to be made.

Your body and mind do it naturally, why not take their advice and apply a little healthy and balanced distance into your life?

Intellect Based on Interest

There are a ton of smart people out there. I have had several run in’s lately. You know the type when you get into a conversation with them and leave feeling like you just left a lecture hall at Harvard.

What if you had no interest in what they are educated in? Would they still seem as smart? Would they actually appear less intellectual depending on your interest in their topic of expertise?

Maybe so...For example, I am extremely interested in interpersonal relationships. It’s becoming my topic of expertise from education, experience, and learning form others. This is not something everyone cares about though.

Many people don’t care to know how they relate to people nor do they want to improve themselves in this area. I suppose to them, I would appear to have less intellectual ability. That my education, experience, and the things people have taught me are useless.

I feel the same way about people who know way too much about video games. I could careless about the newest game or system. Actually, I sometimes view video game talk as a waste of breath and I can honestly say sometimes I question their intellectual ability.

What I am saying is you can have the highest IQ or degree and appear to have no credibility depending on the topic and audience present. There is not a lot you can do to change this. It’s just good to know this happens.

Is there anything wrong with being a strong woman?

First let me describe what a strong woman is. She’s never a push-over obviously, you know that from the moment you meet her. This by no means titles her as a witch with a “B”. She knows things about life and people. It is not easy to deceive her. Above all, she can take care of herself.

She doesn’t take care of herself in a bully type of way, rather she’s just picked up enough tools along the way, that she is self-sufficient. Sure she’d rather have a man mow her lawn, but se will do it herself. It wouldn’t be a problem if you offered to fight her battles, but she by no means is waiting for one to protect her. However, she gladly welcomes a guy’s protection.

Being in a relationship is an addition to her life, not the sustaining force. Many times you can’t tell in a social group that her significant other is there, because they are off mingling in separate crowds. Security to her is just knowing he’s there.

Self assurance and confidence is the name of her name. Never does she need told of her worth, but it is received gracefully when she is. Never does she appear cocky rather humbleness is her preference. She understands this can seem odd and maybe threatening to some, but that is never her intentions.

Her preference is for others to be as strong as she is. It maybe difficult for her to understand why others are weaker because she wants her strength to be transferred to them. Never is it her intention to walk over people. Rather she prefers to lift others up.

Do tell me what is wrong with the previous description? If the “she’s” were to be replaces with “he’s” would the description be more accepted? Is there something offensive about a woman’s strength? Can it be proven that there is something wrong about strong women?

Guys, is there something intimidating or scary about a strong woman?

Girls, do you fell threatened by a woman who is sturdy?

Is the preference nowadays for a women to be weak and needy? Do strong women take care of too much for themselves and leave nothing for anyone else to do?

Speaking from the viewpoint of a strong woman, I want to make sure I am staying in check. I understand there is a balance. I wonder if there is something I am doing wrong or if this is just a part of my personality, a part that will continually show through no matter how much I try to tame it down? So answers this for me and the other strong women, “Is there anything wrong with being a strong woman?”

Churches vs Bars

Churches and Bars are two buildings and places for people to gather that probably have the least amount of things in common. Problem is I don’t think that is a good thing. What if churches were more like bars?

If a church was more like a bar, they wouldn’t care how many other churches you had attended previously. They also wouldn’t care how many churches you are currently attending. (I currently go to two churches, gasp!) I mean really, the fellow patrons at the bar sometimes encourage bar hopping, but church hopping, now that is a religious offense. How dare you go and hear God’s word from another preacher. Sure it’s nice to be loyal, they even made a TV show after a bar that had enough loyalty that “everybody knows your name” They also didn’t refuse to recognize someone when they had visited the bar down the street. What if many churches knew our name?

At church it shouldn’t matter what type of person you are, you should be able to join in, just the way you are. You rarely see the bartender refusing to serve, but when it comes to church we feel like we have the right to refuse service. Jesus was never about refusing service. He hung out with the outcasts and social misfits. He might have even stepped inside a bar to see them and meet their needs.

What if people didn’t get offended so easily? At comedy clubs, another type of bar, you rarely see someone walk out because the joke offended them. They just simply laugh it off and move on. Couldn’t we do that at church? Some churches can, believe it or not. True story: I went to a churches’ singles event one night and the comedian poked and made fun of the “Christianese” things we do. Thankfully this was a strong and special church, because the congregation just sat there and laughed at jokes when they made fun of the things church people do. When we all know good and well, had they happen in some churches there would have been some committee meeting shortly there after and it wouldn’t be to decide when the next social even would be.

We could be more real with one another, if our church was more like a bar. There wouldn’t be an unspoken requirement to pretend like we are perfect. Instead there would be a spoken loudness that we all make mistakes and are all just trying to make it the best we can, with what we have. It’s okay to share your failures with friends or strangers at a bar. Wouldn’t our churches be better if we could do the same there and still be treated fairly?

“I go to such and such bar because my family does.” When was the last time you heard that? However, when hear it about church it is supposed to make sense? Yes many times faith is a heritage passed down through generations. That doesn’t mean that you can only go to a certain church because it’s the one your family goes to. After all, people don’t limit their bar selection based on where their relatives went or go.

Maybe our mindset would change if we thought of a church in similar terms that we would a Bar.

At a bar when someone says they miss you, it means we haven’t seen you in a while and miss hanging out with you or that they noticed you hadn’t been around in a while. It also means the same thing at a church, but people interpret it to mean that “you are a backslider and how dare you miss church.” No one ever said that’s what they meant when they say they miss you, it just gets interpreted that way.

People can go to a bar anytime the doors are open, which usually ends up being most of the week and there is someone to hang out with you almost every time. They are just there, greeting you at the end of your hard day. Could a church not have a “happy hour” too? A time that right after work people just meander in an sit around to just to let their hair hang down and relax.

When at a bar we expect there to be hypocrites there and we are okay with it. Why? Because people in general are hypocrites. There are many special circumstances that occur in life and cause us to go against what we think, believe, or preach. We don’t mean to say one thing and do another, but something gets the best of us. Maybe, just maybe the same thing can happen with church people? They don’t mean for it to, but it happens and they may seem like a hypocrite. In a bar it would just get laughed off, in a church, people get their panties in a bind.

The people are nice at bars; some people attribute this because they are drunk. However, I’ve never heard anyone complain because the people were too nice at a certain bar. The other day though, one of my friends claimed that my church friends were too nice. WHAT?!?! Since when is that a problem?

“If I go once they will expect me to come back.” I’ve never heard that as a complaint about a bar, but to be welcomed back at church must be a fear for some people.

Of course many of the previous examples were based on assumptions that Church goer’s and Bar goer’s have. Though I can’t help but see the validity in some of these statements. We can learn a great deal about our “target audience” by observing their actions. Likewise they learn from us too, let’s just hope that the image of Christ is portrayed, instead of the perception of some churches. Unless of course your Church is more like a bar.

Only Two Hours Away

My friend Hannah left me a voicemail wondering why I couldn’t live in Connecticut with her, because if I did, I would be no more than two hours away from her. Meaning at any point in time, all either one of us would have to do, is drive two hours to see each other. Which is much closer than the 10+ that we would have to drive now.

I would go see her too, two hours is nothing. Heck we lived three hours away from each other and we would hang out once a month. (Unfortunately, we both moved to different states, since then). I miss those times too, because after seeing her that often for at least 6 years, I now haven’t seen her since November. It doesn’t totally seem that way because we talk on the phone often enough, but there is just something about spending time in person with your friends.

Man have I learned this lesson over the last couple months too, because now I don’t live anywhere near any of my old friends. None of them are two hours away. I sure am glad I took advantage of the short two hour trips when I could. People always wondered why I traveled so much, it’s because you should never take for granted the ability to only drive a short while to see people you care about.

That is why I am going to be driving 2 hours this very week to see my BSU director from college. I couldn’t imagine not taking the trip; I mean who knows when she will be this close again.

My friend Derek was telling me that he couldn’t believe how often I make it a priority to go back to Missouri. Pretty much he was astounded that I would fly up in September just to go to my God Brother’s reception. To me there was no question; I was going to be there. Derek can’t even rationalize driving two hours to see multiple friends.

I don’t mean to be picking on Derek specifically; I have other people I know that do the same. I also know money can be an issue, but I guess I also believe in the motto “where there is a will there is a way” I have a will to maintain friendships with these people. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It doesn’t matter to me how much money it might cost, I got a 2nd job so that I can go and do. So for me, I am taking that two hour drive and that 5 hour flight and many more trips to come to see the people who matter most to me. Don’t worry Hannah we will see each other soon enough.

Where are all the Christian Guys?

Some girls and I had a pow-wow recently. My girls and I know we need to only date guys who are Christians. We understand the reason why we shouldn’t date non-Christians. But it seems like Christian guys are few and far between. Or maybe they are just hiding?

If they are hiding we would like to know where. We have looked at churches, coffee houses, events, and everywhere else the general public hangs out. Unfortunately, our search has ended up empty handed over and over again. Not that we are in anyway discouraged. We are strong individuals and as steadfast as the woodpecker that has to beat into hardwood in order to retrieve its treasure.

Does the treasure exist though? They have to, I’ve seen them attached to other females and lurking in the foyer. Maybe they are just a really sneaky breed that likes to dodge social circles or anything fun. Perhaps their courting tactics are not what we are used to and they miss being in our “target” range. I’ve even heard tale of them appearing in random grocery stores and on occasion at poker nights.

Rarely though, do I see them turn up where there is a large group of single girls. Maybe they are trying to play up their exoticness by making themselves scarce. Perhaps they like laying under the radar. Maybe they aren’t mature enough yet to handle a daughter of God. Or quite possibly they just forgot to show up.

My guess is some of them might be currently in a relationship or considering dating someone. I have no problem with either of those. As long as they are done with the right mindset and with God’s permission. I love hanging out with awesome Christian couples, of course while asking the guy if he has any friends that are single ;) not just for me, but for my girls too.

My fear though is that they are wasting valuable time with irrational conquests. My friend Christina said it best (this is a paraphrase), “Why are they allowed to waste time on dating girls that don’t care about them or a serious relationship? How is it that they get to go after the heartbreakers and try to conquer the flesh of the eyes? What makes them get the choice to date all the wrong girls and finally decide they don’t want to settle for 2nd best which makes them finally come after us? When we are just supposed to be patient and wait for them to finally see what is right in front of their face? Then we have to mend their broken hearts and put back the pieces of what others have shattered.”

I do not believe it is fair at all! Why is it that the females are called to be patient? Why do we have to sit back and watch them stumble over this and that girl, when we could probably give them warning and lead them in the right direction (not that they would listen, believe me I’ve tried). I have thought about resolving to sit back and watch these guys fall on their faces after following meaningless conquests, but it’s a cruel thing to do and it happens so often it has gotten boring.

I suppose I could get angry at the selfish girls too. The ones that take the good guys and snatch them away to use as toys. Especially with their being a shortage of Christian guys. Sure its nice feeling to get the attention but please for the sake of the rest of us, don’t deceive. It is specifically mentioned in the Bible as a sin. Plus thereafter is the healing factor for the guys. So not only are they off the market because you wanted a little chew toy, they also have to take time to heal from those wounds. Notice I said heal from those wounds not learn from them, because man do I know it takes nothing short of a miracle for them to actually learn. Then it might as well be the 2nd coming of Christ before they actually follow through with what they have learned.

Why is it that they get all of us to choose from, or so they think? While we just get the broken and battered? Does it make this species more attractive after they have battle scars? I’m not really thinking so, especially since I know women who are dating divorced guys and they be working the rest of their lives to heal the wounds from the previous marriage. Not that it makes the guy any less desirable, he just comes with a few more needs, which thankfully us good Christian women are good at helping him meet.

So the search continues for this rare species. Our hope is to find him fully intact and available. We want one that knows what he wants and comes after it. Perhaps he might be broken, battered, and abused. There might also be a possibility he is just shy and timid. Whatever the circumstance, God will provide after patience has prevailed and we will be delivered our opportunity to experience this courtship. With what seems to be the most rarest of species, the Christian guy.

Partial Truths

It is very interesting how things get shared sometimes. Someone starts sharing a story and filling us on all of the gruesome details. Perhaps their storytelling skills are so good you cannot even take your attention away. Their facts are totally believable too, accept you find out later not all of the facts were included. Sometimes you think you are getting the whole story, when you are only getting the partial story or someone perspective of what happened.

There is still another person that should have been mentioned or a detail disclosed, that could change whole situation. Maybe the storyteller didn’t mean to change the story. They just missed an item or two that were probably more valuable than they thought.

Possibly, the storyteller did tell the whole truth based on their perspective. Perhaps, they didn’t realize that Sara was on the phone the whole time or that the group had eaten there before. So their story was totally valid, in their head.

However, another phenomenon also exists, the exclusion of facts. This is done intentionally and deliberately, the storyteller knows exactly who or what will be left out of the story. Their goal is to have you see the story as they would have, had it happen.

Most people do this in order to protect their audience. For example, a guy tells a friend of his that he didn’t catch any fish this past weekend. Of course he did catch some, but his friend couldn’t come, and he just didn’t want to brag. Plus, he already ate his catch so no one will know. Just to clarify here, I am not saying that it is okay to do this, I am just letting you know that it happens.

The other intentional reason of excluding facts is to protect the storyteller. Maybe the child wasn’t supposed to be at the park. So if they exclude the fact that a seesaw was involved in the scraping of their arm, punishment will be avoided.

Sometimes in life, partial truths are used to manipulate someone into being what you want them to be or what you want them to think. Suppose the storyteller had lived a hard life, but didn’t want to burden their listener with the gory details or receive pity. So the partial truth is given instead. As a means of remaining light-hearted and breezy, even when the information they could share is very heavy.

Partial truth can also be given to spare the listener responsibility. One of the better examples of this is when a child asks, where babies come from. A lot of times this question is asked when the child is not at an area where they can handle the responsibility of knowing the full answer. So a form of the truth is given as substitute, to protect them from the weight of the true answer.

Like it or not, partial truths are here to stay. It can be very annoying, especially when you are on the receiving end, but they serve their purpose. They allow in one way or another, the message to be shared in its own special way.

As storyteller, we must remember our own frustrations when receiving partial truths and strive to share a more completed version of our stories or at least not leave out the important details. Then when we are the audience we need to make sure to be an active listener and ask te important questions that might make

The Difficulty of Having People Who Care

It’s cute, but I love it! My family and friends always want the best for me. Whether it’s a career, friendship, health, wealth, or relationship; they seem to be at a constant concern for my life. I know they just want to see me happy and I appreciate that. They are my biggest fans and I am more than thankful for them being my cheerleaders.

Sometimes it’s hard though, because as much as I want something to happen, if it doesn’t happen I feel like they get let down too. Say a friendship of mine gets blown and we decide to part ways, they hurt for me too. When I was career searching last fall, there were too many times when I had to just let them know that again it didn’t work out. It even got to the point that I stopped talking to some of them for a couple weeks because it was hard enough being let down myself, then I had to let them know too. It was just easier to not let them know about the prospects, and then I was the only one who had to be concerned with the next step.

It is also nice to rejoice with them when I have successes. Especially when I got my current job, they were full of comments like, “we knew you could do it” and “I am so glad someone recognized your talent.” It is like twice the excitement! I know they will also be there cheering me on for the rest of my life’s successes.

I suppose the most difficult part of this, is the one that neither I nor they can control. There was only so much control I had over the next job I got and whether or not a friendship worked out. It seems though; I have the least amount of control in whether or not I am in a relationship. This is even harder sometimes because both my family and friends want me to be in one.

This difficulty is not because they are pressuring me for marriage or children. Rather it is because they think it is time to see me happily invested with someone else. Someone who will fill a part in my life, like their significant others do for them. Even my single friends want me to be with someone who is deserving of me. Problem is who? Sure I want it to work out, especially if my family, friends, and I are thinking of the same person. What if who we think and they think should be that person, doesn’t work out.

I know it will hurt for me, but it will hurt them a little too and that makes it harder for me. I can deal with my feelings and remain just friends, but I think it would be easier to do that if my family and friends hadn’t wanted it too. Maybe it makes me feel like a failure to them, but why should it? After all, I was only partially in control and I can never change what someone else feels.

In the end God’s Will, will be known and His hand is on everything. I thank Him for the people he has given me in my life. I guess what this proves to me is that in a relationship, my partner should be a fan and cheerleader of me too. If he’s not, then he’s not for me, because I certainly will be on his side of the court cheering him on. If he doesn’t want the best for me too, then we just cannot be.

As difficult as it might be at times, I will continue on with the biggest fans of my life, on my side. Someday they will get to cheer on a relationship success for me too. They will also get to cheer on many other successes and I will get to cheer them on as well. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I just wish the things that just don’t work out, were easier on me and them though.

Patience in Relation to ADD

Patience is a virtue, something we should strive for, in our lives. We all have our ways of increasing our ability to be patient. Such as self-denial, prayer, fasting, practicing, waiting, and learning through experiences. Some of us use ADD as an outlet for patience. Many forms of this type of ADD are as distractions.

By using ADD I mean that we busy ourselves in order to appear patient. Suppose someone is looking for a job. Maybe the Lord has called them to be patient and He will provide. Someone with the ADD form of patience might go out and get several interviews and even take on a couple of part time jobs to fill the time, when they were supposed to be being patient. Sometimes we were called to stay patient and put out resumes. Then by not being ADD you can go to that random interview because you aren’t tied up with the distraction or part time job.

Another example might be making impulsive decisions about what to eat. I know I’ve stopped by random fast food restaurants or grabbed a TV dinner just to not have to wait. When, if I would have just focused long enough to see what opportunities were afforded and not been impatient about my dinner the outcome could have been very different. There could have been an opportunity to make a delicious and more affordable meal at home. Maybe the possibility to eat out and fellowship with a friend might have come up. However, we were being too busy filling up our stomachs and forgetting to be patient.

One of the scariest ways we do this as a single is filling our lives with distractions so it is easier to have dating ADD. This can be done in three ways. The first is by filling our lives up with activities. A lot of times it is so full there not time for a possible significant other. This can come to the point of not taking the opportunity to meet with people of the opposite sex. Some women have only women’s Bible studies, a girls night, an art class, and a full schedule of “ chick flicks” that doesn’t even allow the chance for them to meet any men.

The second is a by filling our lives with so many possibles to date that we don’t take time to truly invest in them personally. This is when someone amounts a great deal of dates or friends of the opposite sex, as prospects. It is too easy to play the comparison game during this time. Of course there will always be someone who is better at this or that. The point is, you shouldn’t be looking for the perfect 10 overall, you should be looking for the slightly imperfect 10 that fits you. So obviously fishing through streams of men or women is not being patient and it’s being very ADD when dating.

Beneficial friends and “in the meantime” relationships are also forms of ADD rather than patience. I’m sorry but no you aren’t patiently waiting when you have a make-out buddy on call or a not-so-serious dating relationship. Besides, both of these can be harmful to your next potential relationship. So lets just focus on the actual relationship we want and not keep fill it with things that can easily distract us.

When you have ADD instead of patience, it is easy to see you are distracted by the things of this world. Your eyes have left the higher prize and you might just be settling for quick fixes instead of long-term solutions. What is patience really? It is a moment of waiting and edifying yourself during a small space in time. It’s an actual point in life where we can stop and just improve our strategies and ourselves.

Patience is not a time of stagnation. Although it takes a long time for water from Colorado, to flow into the gulf, it still happens. It may even create a portion of a canyon in the process, but that is all a part of the flow. Allow those times in your life when you are required to be patient, form you and mold you into the best person you are supposed to be. So that when the outcome arises you can be there ready to embrace it not distracted so much that you miss it.

Pretty Girls vs Beautiful Girls, There are Differences.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but sometimes beholder is deceived. In order to understand this I am going to break girls into two categories (although women are never simple enough to put in only 2 different groups). I’m not going to be ignorant and say that appearance is not important when it comes to relationships; because of course it is important, especially to the male species which is the more visual of the two.

Each of us has certain characteristics that we find to be attractive. Thank goodness we don’t all choose the same ones! In general though, due to culture and upbringing, we can sit back and point out attractive people. An excellent example of this is celebrities. Most of us could name a couple of famous people that could be consistently rated a 10 on hotornot.com.

Alright so you can figure out who looks good, but can you tell the difference between a girl that is pretty and a girl that is beautiful? Let’s just pretend for a moment that there are these two girls and they both have a rating of 10 and both of them know that they are attractive. I’m going to give examples of extreme behavior of these two types, but remember I am giving exaggerated examples. Most women fall between the two extremes. The main difference in these two types is how they act based on their visual appeal.

The pretty girl spends hours making sure every hair is in place, that her make-up isn’t smudged, and that only the right clothes are worn. She nit picks at her teeth being a slight tint to dark and make sure she points out that the cut from shaving throws off her look. She always seems to know and ask about things she would consider her flaws and makes sure she has someone to tell her, “oh no, that doesn’t make you look too...” Then there is the dreaded “are you sure I look okay?” that many times I would like to respond “Do you look okay?!? For goodness sake you look better than the last 5 America’s Next Top Model Winners, and I should know because I watched the last 5 seasons, waiting for you to get ready!” What and who she is, depends upon those around her. Sometimes she will go as far as to only include people in her group that she feels are less attractive or won’t out shine her.

Pretty girls act differently in relationships too. To them the guy is a prize to be sought after and won. Not that they care, because there always seems to be a plethora of them hanging around. Sometimes the guy is even lucky enough to get to stay in the relationship. Bad boys do have a chance with this girl, if they can keep up with her, while not making her look bad. She likes to be looked at, so if he is causing the right type of attention, this might be a turn on. The pretty girl doesn’t know how to treat a nice guy, because she is too concerned about herself. Although flattery can be very appealing to her, she likes to work for what she has (example: spending 2 hours on make-up). She prefers that the guy benefit her and adds to her attributes. He becomes a part of the package. Surprisingly enough, she does not like it if he fawns over her; rather she prefers that he has just enough of a flighty spirit that she can call him out on the carpet if he looks the wrong way for too long. Plus, she doesn’t want him ogling her while she makes sure everyone else in the room knows she is there, using only the most subtle tactics, of course. A prime example of a pretty girl would be Paris Hilton.

The Beautiful girl in this scenario has a rating of 10 as well. Her name could just as easily been called for Miss America, but she would have been out enjoying herself rather than stuck behind a mirror. She is the confident type that knows her own self beauty. Sure there is some prep-time in her life that might include make-up and accessories. The difference is, she doesn’t have to keep checking in the mirror because she forgot what she looks like. Clothing and shoes are additions to herself not finishing products and she looks classy in almost everything she wears. Although she enjoys being “easy on the eyes” she prefers to focus attentions on other strengths in her life, such as her ability to understand a complex quadratic equation or the personality she has carefully developed. Although, she may ask for an opinion from time to time, the beautiful girl does not necessarily need others to tell her how she looks or benefits their lives. This shows in her relationships too, because she mingles from group to group making sure others are enjoying themselves.

When it comes to men, she spurs on the same confidence in them that she does in herself. Some men can find this intimidating because there is no specific need for him to be in her life. This can cause the man to feel unwanted or overlooked. Since the beautiful girl is so different than all the pretty girls men meet in life, they usually do not know how to handle her at first. A man to her is an added bonus, a blessing in disguise, or a project she wants to work on. Either way, if he is man enough to handle her not “needing” him, he might just end up with a really functional “trophy wife”, rather than just a Barbie doll. Although she doesn’t have all the answers, she is willing to find the right type of man for herself, based on his personality and values. Bad boys may apply, but she is way to sure of herself to fall for their lies, so don’t be surprised if she doesn’t commit to them. Nice guys have a better chance with this girl, but they must remember to have a backbone. She will get bored with them if they answer to her every whim and do everything she says. For a good example of this type of girl look at Ann Hathaway.

Okay so now I’ve broke the ice on this subject, and there of course is so much more that can be discussed and formulated, but this is just a start. The crazy thing is, you can find these same characteristics in women, no matter what their rating might be on hotornot.com. Someone with a 5 rating could act just as beautiful as a beautiful girl rated a 9.5. The same is true with pretty girls no matter how attractive world may say they are, they are still pretty girls at heart, and their concern is always putting forth the best image of themselves. Of course there are also many other types of girls, which I will probably discuss in later blogs, but I wanted to get views on these two types out for now.