Not So Beneficial Friendships

A So Called Perfect Substitute for What we desire.

Friends with benefits, we’ve all heard of it. Some of us have even tried it, but do we really know the consequences?

Do we understand that the so called benefits could actual be harming us? Unnoticeably, scaring us emotionally and possibly even physically. Taking the sheer joy of friendship and manipulating it into a form of “it’s complicated” relationship. The major problem is, to one party involved all it is or ever will be is friendship. Unfortunately though, the other party will not have the same thoughts or emotions about the situation.

Those of you with beneficial friendships; past, present or future will fight me on this. The truth is I’m RIGHT! There is NEVER a way to have a balanced friendship with benefits. Rather it is a way the non-committal person to have the physical benefits of a relationship while the other party is suffering and trying to constantly convince themselves, this is what I want.

Emotionally one party gets caught up in so called needs being fulfilled. Sure it feels good to be kissed and to be called on constantly. That’s what you want our of a romantic relationship, and since you can’t have the relationship you want, you convince yourself that whatever takes care of those needs is okay. You claim that if the relationship possibility came up, you could go for it and leave the beneficial friendship behind. What you are really doing is making excuses and creating more emotional baggage. Oh and don’t forget the fact that even if you do find yourself in a romantic relationship, you will use your beneficial friend as a basis of comparison in this new relationship. How fair is that?

While the other party enjoys the thrill of obtaining a once again easy cop-out. It’s a scary pattern the person who doesn’t want a relationship; they get caught up in the thrill of non-commitment. A thrill that ultimately leads them to replacing their beneficial friends on a regular basis because after too long it feels like a romantic relationship. They can’t stop themselves from constantly wondering who or what else is out there to help them feel that thrill again. Meanwhile, losing friendships along the way. Does that matter to them?

Oh and don't forget the fact that there will always be an akwardness about the friendship. Imagine introducing your spouse some day to the person that you casually allowed in your life.

We are a society of quick fixes though, so it does not surprise me that so many of us fall into this temptation. Sure it seems innocent enough. You know it’s just like playing “spin the bottle.” But it’s not! It’s an excuse, an excuse we make, with consequences that are way bigger than what we might consider.

Wake up people! NO the beneficial friend is NEVER going to enter into a relationship with you or fulfill the desires you have for a romantic relationship.

Non-committal manipulator, you are stuck in a serious pattern that could have life-long consequences. Do not think that you can stop these behaviors just because you turn 30.

And for goodness sake, STOP settling!