People Have History

It’s funny how we get to know people but forget that they were someone before we knew them. It is as if they never existed before we knew them. We take away their history, sometimes. Similar to forgetting that a president was once a child and only knowing them as the president.

Sometimes we even fail to realize that the person’s history is exactly why they are the person we know now. We forget that sometimes their history explains the things they do. It could be that they never truly had friends until high school that makes them such a good friend now. It molds and shapes a person even if they try not to let it affect them. Their patterns and history design who they are and why they do the things they do.

Consider some of these examples, of people I know, as verification that we totally disregard our friend’s history sometimes. One friend of mine got her first duet in 8th grade that helped her become un-shy. Otherwise she might have always been the shy one with few friends and no social life. Another friend never had cable or watched popular movies as a child and still doesn’t care much for pop culture. This friend doesn’t even know some of the most popular songs, movies, actors, or artists. I know a person that never had a best friend until college and that still affects how close people can get to them. What about my friend who had some of the best family vacations during their childhood and still dreams of traveling often, because of the pleasant experience? Or the one that was never kissed until their 20’s and take relationships much more seriously because of it.

Sure we may know this person as our friend or confidant for the things we get to do now with them, and for the person they are now. But there is a lot of history that goes into the person that is sitting across the table from you. They had scraped knees and maybe even broken hearts before you met. There are family members that have shaped their lives and family pets that have enriched their lives. Mistakes have been made and wrong doings of others forgiven or grudges held, whatever the case may be.

Just remember that sometimes life makes the person you are speaking with seem like everything that you’ve experienced with them, when in all actuality you are experiencing at the person’s history.

Stupidity Leaves Marks

In college I had this friend named Peter who seemed to be the definition of stupidity. He always seemed to be doing something extreme. He even won an award once for some of the stupid things he did. Like playing chicken with a car, then ending up on the hood and kicking a skunk, which of course sprayed him.

There is no denying the fact that stupidity left marks on Peter. Marks of scars and flashbacks. It also left stories that he could tell for hours. His stupidity was for risk and enjoyment, of course he knew better. It was just more fun to push the dean of students into a mud pit then to skate by with a clean behavior record.

I’m sure we’ve all been like Peter in our own lives. Taken the opportunity to do something stupid and still have the marks to prove it. Whether it be by scars or skid marks, there is a certain need for risk in our lives.

Sure not all risks are good and not all scars are from stupidity. They teach us lessons though, lessons that leave marks on our hearts and minds. Marks that can totally change the way we see and do things.

Marks like the ones on my car. I know how everyone of them got there. I even would tell you some of the stories. Don’t try to figure them out though, they are my marks created by my stupidity. I’ve loved and hated every one of them and have yet get any of them fixed. Maybe it’s because I sometimes like reminders of my stupidity, so I don’t do it again. It is quite possible though, that I am collecting the marks of stupidity, because truly, stupidity leaves some of the most interesting marks.

In a Relationship

Written Wednesday, December 10, 2008

It doesn’t seem like such a big step, but now-a-days it seems to be an even steeper slope. Sure you’re going on dates, talking on the phone, and maybe you’ve even kissed. What do you do next?

If you’re truly interested in the other person, you want a relationship. It’s a choice that if it were given to you would happen sooner rather than later. It’s not just you’re choice though. There are two people involved in this equation. For some reason the other wants to just maintain the friends or just dating scenario.

You might find yourself wondering why? Why can’t we be officially together? Why must the other person hold back? Is it me, am I not the person for them? Is it that they are still playing the field or a commit-a-phobe?

Here are some of the scenarios that could be the cause of you not being in a relationship, if you are currently dating. One possible reason is definitely timing. Timing can be as simple as you were the first person they got introduced to or as complex as, I’m about to be moving away and the long distance thing won’t work.

I believe another reason some people take a long time to enter into a relationship is because of too many choices. I see the same thing when it comes to choosing a degree, there seems to be too many options and it is harder for some to make a decision in one way or another. I consider this a handicap of our generation, especially since internet dating is possible. My grandpa was about the only guy my granny knew who she wasn’t related to. So guess what they married and made it work.

Misunderstanding also comes into play, many times one person assumes that because you are a couple then that determines that you will have to get married in a year and a half. That’s not always the case. Guess what! Sometimes it takes being together to realize you shouldn’t be together.

It is important to understand that being in a relationship ie: being b/f and g/f, is a decision between two people. They are deciding to invest in each other in a romantic way and to give up investing in anyone else romantically. Believe it or not, that is huge. It’s much like giving actual permission to invest in the relationship. To spend time nurturing what could last for an extensive amount of time. Invest being the key word.

Consider becoming a couple similar to investing $500 in a stock when your income is $30,000 a year. You might have a little extra money but $500 is still a lil bit tough to just fork up all of the sudden. You could do so many other things with it but you choose to “invest” it. It may be tough, cause all your plans to change, and make your life a little less yours. In the end though, you believe it is worth it and that you will see a positive return.

It’s not always easy to make the decision to invest because there is the risk of it not working out. Causing you personal hurt, and it changes some of your concerns.

Many times though with good discernment and decision making, investing can be rewarding. Sure sometimes the market and relationships ride like a roller coaster. Times get scary and the economy sucks. The important part to remember is without the risk there is no chance of reward.

Religiosity vs. Spirituality

I’m quite sure the actual root word for rigid was religion. Sure there is a good reason to have boundaries and rules, but is religion really the answer? Is religion, really what we want and what we need? Was religion really God’s thoughts on how we should fulfill our spiritual need? Would God really confine our spirituality with such limits?

Would God create something so strict and full of confines, and structure? Religion has lines to stay in and that are black and white. It has guidelines to follow and a mindset that can be restrictive. Rituals that seem to come in many forms, and have they’re own regulations. There is no allowance for creativeness in many religions. It’s almost as if the religion would fall apart without such structure.

Also in religion there is a thought, that there must be an answer for everything. A belief that those in charge have the answers, that they can have more wisdom than the lay people. That those in charge and the authority, comes from the religion. There is little responsibility given or received for the members, rather they only receive what the religion or its leaders give.

We were created with a spiritual need. A need to reach up and out to something bigger than us. I believe that something is God, not religion. God created a spiritual need in us for Him. Spirituality is about you and God. God that is three in one; God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. We have a need for every piece of Him, for a relationship with Him. We get that relationship from first hearing God the Father from our creation, accepting God the Son as our savior, and connecting with God the Holy Spirit.

Spirituality is the connection that you make with God. It has no limits or boundaries, its pure without perversions. There are not rules needed, when its purist form. There is a need for creativity because we each relate to God in different ways. You don’t have to sing hymns to worship Him. Being spiritual gets rid of the specific rituals and allows for a true relationship.

When you are spiritual rather than religious, you have the power to obtain knowledge, there is no filter it must go through. The authority comes only from God, His will is done. Great responsibility also comes with spirituality, because there is no one else to blame for sins or mistakes than yourself. On the upside, the more spiritual you are and the closer the relationship you have with your creator, the less you will need rules. Instead you will consistently find yourself in the right because God is guiding your path.

Am I saying that organized religion is totally in the wrong? By no means am I saying that. What I am saying is that religion sometimes can get in the way with worship and our relationship with God. It can hinder us if we get caught up in religion and forget about the relationship.

Sure there is also worship in religion and rituals can be a great way to worship our creator. I believe the key is not getting so caught up in the religion that we become distant from God. Thus is the reason it is always more important to be spiritual than religious.

It's Called Falling for a Reason

Falling for someone, falling in love, falling out of love, falling for a joke, or falling down; it’s called falling for a reason. Falling because there is no rhyme or reason for why it happens. No logic behind its happenings or occurring. Most of the time it’s not even preventable.

Sure there are steps and precautions we can take, but they aren’t full-proof. For some strange reason you can’t help but fall sometimes. Even if you’re careful, even if you’re fully aware, even if you know better gravity kicks in.

Gravity can come in many forms. It’s constantly pulling on us and taking us where we don’t really want to go. Pulling us towards the wrong person or people. Making us naïve even when we usually aren’t. It helps us fall. As if we need help falling, like we don’t do it well enough already on our own.

Then sets in the emotions, typically embarrassment comes first. Rosie red cheeks and ducking through the stares we try to avoid it, but even our body is reacting to the fact that we were out of control, our actions were out of control. Who or what just did that? Who said we could let affection come into the picture? Who said we could believe that or trust that we were going to stay upright?

Falling is not about permission, it’s barely even about choice. It’s just happens. Happens when you least expect it. Happens even when you are most prepared. Something triggers you to stumble into this crazy path and you fall.

That is why it is called falling. Because it may never make sense. And there may never be a reason. You just do it, you just fall.




How was your trip? Did you have a nice fall?

Preparedness for Closure

I don’t care who you are, people need a certain amount of closure. A time to find an ending, in order to have a new beginning. Closure many times helps us process through the situation.

Typically it occurs after the event happens. Whether it is a death, breakup, moving of a friend, loss of something, or disappointment; you can expect a person to seek after and gain closure after the event. It’s what helps them heal and recover.

Closure for me, seems to often occur at a totally different time than expected. I have this crazy ability to work through most things before they even occur. To be okay with the circumstance when I don’t even know the final outcome. Even as a child I can remember losing a pet and shedding a few tears but I was over it in no time, usually by the end of the day. I’ve had friends that told me they were moving away and sure I was sad, but the sadness usually ended about 2 weeks before they even moved.

Maybe it’s because I grieve while they still are here. I can remember doing that with my Granny. I grieved her death after her first stroke. Sure she was still alive for another 2 years, but she was never able to function well again. She was no longer to me, the person I knew as my Granny. So when she did pass, I had already shed my tears and went through the motions for everyone else.

I have even found myself even frustrated that something took so long to occur, because I had already resolved the closure part and it was still here. Like the before my God-brother went to Iraq. We knew it was happening; we had his going away party. Then it took was a couple more weeks before he went and I kept thinking to myself, “can’t you go ahead and go and get it over with?” He did end up going and made it back safely, but that time before he went was so annoying to me, I was done with the situation after the going away party.

I’m not sure why I am this way. Maybe because I try to always be prepared for any situation. Possibly because I lived most of the days of my life knowing that so and so wouldn’t be in my life forever so I might as well invest everything that I can, right now.

Whatever it is, it works for me. It helps me give all that I can right now while knowing I will be alright if there is not a next time. It’s a sort of preparedness for closure.

Marriage has It’s Benefits

Get your mind out of the gutter! I’m talking about financial benefits. As a single person with friends and family who are married, I definitely know of some of the financial benefits marriage has to offer.

No wonder single-sex couples want civil unions or marriages, there’s definitely some money to be saved and benefits to receive.

Consider a typical living situation of a married couple with two incomes: each person only has to pay ½ of the rent, ½ utilities, ½ of a meal cooked for 2, and can do a shared load of laundry. You can save on insurance because you have multiple policies. The government puts you in a different tax bracket. You can combine your credit scores for better interest rates (sometimes this isn’t a benefit). Also, the cost of repairs and emergency funding can automatically be split.

There are entertainment benefits too. Such as not spending the money to hang out with friends all the time because you have each other. You can rent a movie and split the cost. Carpooling to event is definitely an option. You also know double the people. Oh and don’t forget the option of sharing books, games, electronics, and sometimes clothing (that favorite hoodie).

Oh and I don’t want to forget the fringe benefits as well. these are the ones that are the cherry on the op of the sundae. Such as the ability to be on each other’s medical insurance, or the offer to get a discount or free trip because of the other’s job. Then there is my favorite benefit that I can actually offer myself someday, free tuition for college.

Too bad these benefits only come with marriage; I could sure use a couple of then right now as a single.