Dating Baggage

The thing about dating in your mid 20’s and on is that you not only get a person to date, you also get their baggage.

Baggage: interesting little suitcases of life experience sometimes sitting openly out in the hallway, other times tucked not so neatly in the corner, and of course the carefully hidden in the secret places type.

Whatever type it is, it affects the person, the personality, and the behaviors they bring to the dating relationship. Of course there are also various amounts that each person exhibits or carries with them.

Where do they pick it up? Anywhere from childhood to present day. Some comes from family, friends, and of course past relationships. The relationship baggage seems to be the most interesting. Dare to pry it open and who knows what you might find.

Perhaps you might even find out why your significant other always sits on a certain side of the couch, only eats at certain restaurants, tells you how much you are appreciated or, fears constantly that if you are not happy you will leave them.

The sucky part is when it affects you and your relationship with the other person or the lack thereof a relationship in certain cases with a large amounts of baggage.

Like the times when baggage prevents a certain person from even considering a relationship. The fear of failure again, or being hurt again, and the possibility of being lied to again; can overshadow the desired potential to want to be with someone.

In this case, the person may believe all they want about the baggage, but they never checked it at the door and they are caring it around the living room like it is tray of hors d’oeurves. It may fool a few but most people know the difference between hors d’oeurves and baggage.

Some people like other people’s baggage. They like to even carry it around for them so the baggage owner can pretend a little longer that it is not there. The sad part is, carrying someone else’s baggage as if it is your own and them still not dealing with it has the potential of keeping them unhealthy. It can also make the baggage borrower go a little insane because they are carrying baggage that is not theirs and not being able to do anything about it. After all, it is not their baggage so no matter how much they want to they can’t make the decision to deal with it and they are semi-enabling the baggage owner not to deal with it.

Is it bad to have baggage? Not necessarily. There really is no way to avoid having it. The most important part is to recognize it for what it is and deal with it. If you are dealing with it then you know exactly what is in the suitcases and packages. They can’t surprise you one day when you are going through customs (a new relationship) and all of the sudden you find something that makes you push away from the relationship and have no idea why. Instead with the knowledge of your baggage you aren’t surprised by the content, rather you accept it for what it is and recognize your reactions when it is exposed.

When you are dealing with your baggage you might even get so good at knowing the contents you can leave some of it behind. What a relief that is, being able to walk in a situation with a little less to carry in.

Knowledge of your baggage isn’t easy though. The process of self-awareness is scary and doesn’t come easily. It also requires a bit of ownership on the baggage carrier’s part. The knowledge of your baggage is power though. This is the type of power that can help a person to be almost baggage free and the ability to jump into a dating situation openly, even if it is with caution. The person you are dating will appreciate that especially if they are a healthy enough person to have been dealing with their own baggage.

Will all the baggage ever be gone? Certainly not. It can be easier to load bear though. When you are aware of it, it is easier the carry. Therefore, bringing it into a dating relationship makes it a little easier for both of you to date baggage.