1. Proximity is Not an Issue
2. Dreams of Fairytales and Swimsuit Models
3. Selfishness and the Inability to Self-Sacrifice
4. The Inability to be Flexible
5. Overwhelming and Instant Communication
6. Over-occupation (Too Many Things to Do)
7. The Grass is Greener and there’s Always plentyoffish.com
8. The Non-Necessity of a Partner
9. You Can’t Make Someone Else Change or Want to Change
10. The Inability to Commit
It won’t take you pondering long to realize how non-conducive our society is for relationships. I believe these next ten points can certainly be applied to the married and unmarried regarding the effects our society and culture can have on our opportunities for successful relationships. If you’re already married take heed. For those of us hoping for marriage someday, regardless of relationship status, take notice. One or many of these could be you or someone you’re interested in.
1. Proximity is Not an Issue
Back in the day when marriage came about because of who your neighbors were and/or who visited them, the opportunity to marry someone from the other side of the country was rare. This worked really well because, well you just “fell in love” and got married to someone who was the most suitable and then made it work. Think of all the sweet love stories we hear about couples celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. They know how to make the best of their relationship regardless of how they met. A million choices of who to be with wasn’t really an option so they worked with what they had. Sometimes choice isn’t the best scenario when deciding on a life-long partner. Gasp, you mean you can really have love with someone that isn’t a perfect fit? Surprisingly so and people have been doing it for years!
2. Dreams of Fairytales and Swimsuit Models
3. Selfishness and the Inability to Self-Sacrifice
4. The Inability to be Flexible
5. Overwhelming and Instant Communication
6. Over-occupation (Too Many Things to Do)
7. The Grass is Greener and there’s Always plentyoffish.com
8. The Non-Necessity of a Partner
9. You Can’t Make Someone Else Change or Want to Change
10. The Inability to Commit
It won’t take you pondering long to realize how non-conducive our society is for relationships. I believe these next ten points can certainly be applied to the married and unmarried regarding the effects our society and culture can have on our opportunities for successful relationships. If you’re already married take heed. For those of us hoping for marriage someday, regardless of relationship status, take notice. One or many of these could be you or someone you’re interested in.
1. Proximity is Not an Issue
Back in the day when marriage came about because of who your neighbors were and/or who visited them, the opportunity to marry someone from the other side of the country was rare. This worked really well because, well you just “fell in love” and got married to someone who was the most suitable and then made it work. Think of all the sweet love stories we hear about couples celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. They know how to make the best of their relationship regardless of how they met. A million choices of who to be with wasn’t really an option so they worked with what they had. Sometimes choice isn’t the best scenario when deciding on a life-long partner. Gasp, you mean you can really have love with someone that isn’t a perfect fit? Surprisingly so and people have been doing it for years!
Proximity in this situation also means that more than likely both parties involved came from similar cultural, environmental, and societal norms. It just turns out that the more common couples have in those areas, the easier it is to connect.
2. Dreams of Fairytales and Swimsuit Models
Let’s just be honest here, most things that we take in come out. It can either be from our mouths or just in our head that leads to our actions. Therefore, the more fairytales we believe about the amazingly always romantic and non-faltering prince or the perfect not a blemish or dimple on her body super model, the more we put a spouse on some sort of unattainable pedal stool.
Think of these thoughts as some sort of beautiful Frankenstein created by all of your favorite attributes. In the end the person will not always act or look like what you want? You might as well force yourself to get over that fantasy if you ever want to have a successful marriage. Especially considering that you yourself are not a perfect princesses or a GQ model.
3. Selfishness and the Inability to Self-Sacrifice
Face it! We are very selfish people. This is nothing new but because of our ability to get most things we want, we somehow believe we deserve to have it our way. When in all actuality we could benefit from a good deal of self-denial. I’m not saying give until you’re empty and frustrated because you compromised way too much. Rather think about giving more. You might be surprised about how much easier and fulfilling your life and relationships can be.
4. The Inability to be Flexible
Hand in hand with sacrifice is flexibility. Whether you are trying to meet your spouse later in life or are trying to figure out how to keep living with them; you must know how important it is to be flexible. Bend for the situation and try not to get your undergarments in a twist so easily. You will more than likely be surprised at how good it can feel and how the other reciprocates.
5. Overwhelming and Instant Communication
Reba’s song “Why Haven’t I Heard from You” comes to mind when I think about this. At most points during the day we have 7+ different ways we can communicate: in person, phone call, text message, email, social network, instant message, letter, and I’m sure I’m missing something.
3. Selfishness and the Inability to Self-Sacrifice
Face it! We are very selfish people. This is nothing new but because of our ability to get most things we want, we somehow believe we deserve to have it our way. When in all actuality we could benefit from a good deal of self-denial. I’m not saying give until you’re empty and frustrated because you compromised way too much. Rather think about giving more. You might be surprised about how much easier and fulfilling your life and relationships can be.
4. The Inability to be Flexible
Hand in hand with sacrifice is flexibility. Whether you are trying to meet your spouse later in life or are trying to figure out how to keep living with them; you must know how important it is to be flexible. Bend for the situation and try not to get your undergarments in a twist so easily. You will more than likely be surprised at how good it can feel and how the other reciprocates.
5. Overwhelming and Instant Communication
Reba’s song “Why Haven’t I Heard from You” comes to mind when I think about this. At most points during the day we have 7+ different ways we can communicate: in person, phone call, text message, email, social network, instant message, letter, and I’m sure I’m missing something.
With all these also comes the frustration of not hearing soon enough and not hearing right away. Believe it or not there can be a benefit for having to wait to communicate. Perhaps we’ve heard about thinking before we speak? It can also be beneficial to have less opportunity to say the wrong thing. Most importantly we could all use a good lesson in shutting up and when to shut off. Surprisingly, it is kind of important sometimes to not be connected to the phone or internet in order to truly absorb the time and presence of someone else.
6. Over-occupation (Too Many Things to Do)
Think of your average day and how much actual downtime you really have. I mean real time when you are not at work, getting something ready, driving, checking things on the internet, watching TV, or attending an event. If you’re single how you do fit someone into that and if you’re married where is there room for quality time? I’m not saying we should be bored but given the opportunity it might be necessary to do less in order to do more for a relationship.
7. The Grass is Greener and there’s Always plentyoffish.com
When do you decide that I’m going to stick to this because it’s a good thing instead of thinking who else is out there? For some people this thought never ends even if they’re married. Stop it! You’ll just end up eating grass from a strange field and still feeling unsatisfied. Most times instead of plentyoffish.com all you really need is a reminder of how great the person you already have is. Stand back and make a positive list if you need to, but please don’t forget to at least consider that person’s positives while you are fantasizing about someone else’s who is not your reality.
8. The Non-Necessity of a Partner
In case we haven’t noticed, we mostly no longer live on farms or need a mom and pop to run the family business. Heck, children aren’t even needed anymore to help out with the family doings. To go further, spouses aren’t even required for providing the necessities of life or social events for status. That means it is no longer necessary to find a spouse to marry. Thank you society and culture, except for the fact that most of us are designed for companionship. Unfortunately, since it is not required we are never forced to actually do something about the desire for companionship. What does that equal? Maybe bunch of people not trying to be in a fulfilling relationship because their circumstance does not require them to be. Is this really benefitting us?
9. You Can’t Make Someone Else Change or Want to Change
Whether you’re in a committed marriage or trying to decide if your last date can turn into something more; one of the most important things you can learn about in any relationship is that you can’t make people change. So don’t start a relationship with someone that you can’t be with if they cannot change certain things about themselves.
6. Over-occupation (Too Many Things to Do)
Think of your average day and how much actual downtime you really have. I mean real time when you are not at work, getting something ready, driving, checking things on the internet, watching TV, or attending an event. If you’re single how you do fit someone into that and if you’re married where is there room for quality time? I’m not saying we should be bored but given the opportunity it might be necessary to do less in order to do more for a relationship.
7. The Grass is Greener and there’s Always plentyoffish.com
When do you decide that I’m going to stick to this because it’s a good thing instead of thinking who else is out there? For some people this thought never ends even if they’re married. Stop it! You’ll just end up eating grass from a strange field and still feeling unsatisfied. Most times instead of plentyoffish.com all you really need is a reminder of how great the person you already have is. Stand back and make a positive list if you need to, but please don’t forget to at least consider that person’s positives while you are fantasizing about someone else’s who is not your reality.
8. The Non-Necessity of a Partner
In case we haven’t noticed, we mostly no longer live on farms or need a mom and pop to run the family business. Heck, children aren’t even needed anymore to help out with the family doings. To go further, spouses aren’t even required for providing the necessities of life or social events for status. That means it is no longer necessary to find a spouse to marry. Thank you society and culture, except for the fact that most of us are designed for companionship. Unfortunately, since it is not required we are never forced to actually do something about the desire for companionship. What does that equal? Maybe bunch of people not trying to be in a fulfilling relationship because their circumstance does not require them to be. Is this really benefitting us?
9. You Can’t Make Someone Else Change or Want to Change
Whether you’re in a committed marriage or trying to decide if your last date can turn into something more; one of the most important things you can learn about in any relationship is that you can’t make people change. So don’t start a relationship with someone that you can’t be with if they cannot change certain things about themselves.
What really needs to be done is you decide if you can get with him/her or stay with him/her regardless of change. It just happens to turn out many times that the best way to create an environment for change is the have an environment of support.
10. The Inability to Commit
If anyone tries to tell me we don’t have these issues as a society I could in 2 seconds have you mention a friend or family member that can’t commit. It’s an epidemic. The strangest part is how easily we commit to gym memberships, phone contracts, and leases/mortgages. However, when it comes to another living breathing human being it is not possible to commit to something that you’ve already spent a month of Friday’s investing in. Take a chance, that’s what all of those other commitments are about anyway. The future is and will always be uncertain.
10. The Inability to Commit
If anyone tries to tell me we don’t have these issues as a society I could in 2 seconds have you mention a friend or family member that can’t commit. It’s an epidemic. The strangest part is how easily we commit to gym memberships, phone contracts, and leases/mortgages. However, when it comes to another living breathing human being it is not possible to commit to something that you’ve already spent a month of Friday’s investing in. Take a chance, that’s what all of those other commitments are about anyway. The future is and will always be uncertain.
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