All of the Lessons I Wish I Wouldn’t Have Learned about Dating Relationships

Unless you are lucky enough to marry and live happily ever after with the first person you ever dated, you probably learned lessons while dating.  Some are good like be less selfish and more selfless.  Then there’s those other lessons you learn that maybe you wished you wouldn’t have those lessons that hurt a little more and leave deeper scars.  I have several on my list that I certain wished I wouldn’t have learned. 

1.       Don’t date a project. You can’t change another person he/she have to want to change his/her self.

2.       Making ideas of plans but not actually plans means you will never make plans.

3.       Someone saying they are into you but never doing anything about it equals a superficial relationship.

4.       Someone with goals shouldn’t date someone without goals.

5.       Trusting someone that shouldn’t be trusted leads to problems trusting others that are trustworthy.

6.       Trying to convince yourself you are interested in someone when you aren’t is not worth it.

7.       Saying you are ok with something you are not ok with is worse on you in the long run.

8.       Cheating is never ok; physical or emotional.

9.       There are several different types of love, make sure you both mean the same type.

10.   Not saying what you want in a relationship can lead you into a relationship you don’t want.

11.   Never stay with someone that doesn’t treat you with the same respect that you treat him/her with.

12.   Dating or staying with someone because of fear of being alone will make you more lonely in the long run.

13.   If you wouldn’t let one of your friends be treated the way he/she treats you then why are you let him/her treat you that way?

City Fish Small Pond

City Fish Small Pond

I'm not gonna lie, part of the blog came from perusing through facebook. Facebook gives you an interesting glimpse into people's lives and relationships. It shows you who is dating who and married whom. In some instances you get to spy or infer a few other items but only gives you a partial view of that reality.

The other part of this blog comes from my real life experience of being a dater. Someone that has been going on dates with different people, from different walks of life, and different regions.

I have this theory that many couples from small towns or rural areas end up together more out of comfort and proximity. This is unlike couples from cities and densely populated areas. I believe those couples are more likely to have more complex priorities or expectations of their significant other.

Reason? People that know all of their options want more specific options.

Let's say you are setting out on a fishing trip with your uncle to a pond somewhere in the country. You know the limited selection of fish that are out there in the smaller body of water. You know that the size of the fish and type of fish are fewer than in larger lakes or the ocean. However, the amount of water you have to cover to catch one isn't as great. Therefore, since your expectations are fewer and the area is smaller the chance that you will catch the fish you want is more likely. This is what I believe occurs in less populated and many times more rural areas.

Now try the same scenario and apply it to a city or more densely populated area. The best example is going fishing in the ocean. Ocean fishing is so much more complex than lake fishing. In the ocean there are thousands of fish varieties and a much great range of sizes. In addition the available locations to find fish are much more numerous. In order to fish in the ocean you have to be much more specific about what you are looking for and often have to choose between some pretty complex scenarios.

What ends up happening is those fishing in the city desire a romantic partner with more specific qualities. To their advantage they also have a larger group of people to meet to find those qualities.

The breakdown occurs though sometimes when the city fish is in a rural or less populated area. It becomes harder and harder for him/her to find those specific qualities. Sometimes it seems and is nearly impossible unless perhaps there is another city fish somewhere nearby.

Adversely an issue can occur with the rural fish that is found in the city. The poor rural fish just wants a few things, but when it meets all of the city fish it is nearly impossible for the rural fish to make a city fish happy in a relationship.

I know I'm a city fish. When it comes to a relationship I know I want more than just proximity. My list of wants is specific when it comes to a significant other. Some of them are so specific that the average rural fish get's immediately tossed back. I'm not asking for the perfect match, but I know many of the rural fish I meet aren't good for me in the long-term. I know this because I've dated in a city before and enjoyed the variety available there.

What happens when these two fish meet though? Sometimes a relationship occurs for a while. It might even be a long while, but eventually it becomes obvious that the relationship isn't going to work. More than likely the city fish figured it out first because he/she knows about and possibly sees the other options out there. Meanwhile the rural fish might not have even seen it coming is like a "fish out of water." flipping around trying to figure out what might have gone wrong.

Perhaps though nothing was done wrong. Maybe it was worth the try to see if it would work out. Possibly the relationship was destined to end because it only started because the city fish was living in the small pond.