You have a Booger in Your Nose

I always say, you are only a true friend if you will tell your friends that they have a booger in their nose. I mean friends are set aside to take care of each other. If you can’t tell the people you are closest to, things about themselves, then who can you tell? Or who can the friends count on?

Think of that embarrassing moment that happened once, maybe in childhood. You are walking around the playground, strutin your new Nike’s and you realize that everyone is looking at you. It’s not quite the attention you were expecting either. Their faces have a look of disgust or laughter. No your best bud didn’t tell you that some strange form of mucus has decided to dry out, then snuck through your nasal passages, and hung on for dear life right around your nostril opening. The strange beast was exactly what everyone was staring out and who knows for how long?

Little Jimmy or Jenny didn’t even say a word about it, to you anyway. They may have told Stephanie or Stephen but not you. Sure it was just a booger, but seriously this incident has repercussions that could impact your whole day or school year (grade school kids are mean like that). In the end, all it would have taken to avoid this whole situation is a simple comment about the booger that was spotted as you had hopped in line for the slide.

Hopefully, now that we are older, we have the ability and care enough to inform our friends about their boogers or possible tooth debris. Does that transfer to other situations too though? If we have a real friendship, which is different than an acquaintance, could or would we tell them the truth? Especially if the truth could prevent them from making an embarrassing mistake.

Say your friend has this crazy habit of repeating the same stories over and over again. I mean it’s not the end of the world, but with a little help you could make them aware of this fact. Then if they wanted to do something about it, they could and therefore, maybe improve their life or possibly their friend’s lives.

You say something because you care, because you would want them to say it to you. It’s never fair to tell Stephanie or Stephen first. Sure it’s not easy, and sometimes you might need advice on how to say it. In the end, if you notice it or have heard about it and the other person won’t say something, use your best judgment, but don’t leave your friend in the dark.

Sure I’ve been guilty of not saying something to the person and for that, shame on me. I wouldn’t have wanted to be treated that way and I feel very sorry that I did that to a friend. Maybe that was my booger for the day that I walked around with and just thought I was talking about someone else’s when mine was 10 times more noticeable.

Don’t leave your friends strutin around at social gatherings with boogers. Care enough to say something. Care enough to address it as soon as it is appropriate. Care enough to let them tell you about your boogers too.

P.S. I wonder how many people checked their nose for boogers while reading this blog?

Would We Have Hung Out in High School?

I love my friends, Every stinkin’ one of them! One of them, Kim, and I were discussing a conversation her and her fiancé had, because of the new 90201 that is now playing on the CW. He mentioned the fact that in high school the “Kelli’s” were his type of girl. Okay no big deal right? Except the fact that Kim is not a “Kelli,” she is a self proclaimed “Brenda.” Which is definitely a different type of girl. This brings about a very interesting question? Would they have dated in high school? (Don’t worry; Kim and Karl are still together, despite this discovery.)

Throughout the rest of their conversation it was not only questioned whether or not they would have dated, but also would they have been friends? Now we all know high school (the public kind is the one I will be referring to, but this may also be true for private schools), or at least we understand high school as sort of a “rite of passage” that we go through. We were immature, but so was everyone else. Thus is why we had cliques and chains of command.

Each clique, stereotyped group, and crowd served their purpose in high school. They created a way to function amongst the mix of people. Sure, many times functioning meant conformity, but even most of those that didn’t conform made it through. Although we cannot assume that everyone was happy about it.

We know the names of the crowds and if we are true to ourselves, we know where we fit in. Me, I was a “floater” I didn’t really have a particular group I fit into and generally befriended everyone. Although, some people might have put me in the group of the “good-kids” and that’s fine. I suppose to me though, the group you really belonged to, was the one you hung out with outside of school. For me, I never hung out with the “popular crowd” outside of school, maybe the “aggies,” “smart kids,” or a mix of people from every crowd.

Believe me; I am not bitter about this, read the rest of this blog to understand why. However, I know the type of people that did hang out in that crowd. They were a tight knit crew that had seemed to know each other forever. You knew who they were. The ones in Homecoming Court, involved in Student Council, and participated in athletics.

Now I am 7 years out of high school and 1000 miles away. I have made a whole bunch of different friends, and most are a total different breed than I hung out with in high school. My best friends are: an indie-band loving/ popular girl, a band geek/ex-goth girl, pep club groupie/ prom queen, a smart kid/2nd tier popular, a baseball player/ partier, and class clown/good kid. How is that for a mix?

The common thread though, that more than likely most of us wouldn’t have hung out in high school. I would always be more of a “Brenda” than a “Kellie.” Most importantly, it doesn’t matter that we wouldn’t have hung out in high school. Rather it is important that we are now more capable of finding people worthwhile to befriend, no matter which group they were in.

No doubt about it, you can still tell who the popular kids were, sometimes. Especially the other day when I went to a social gathering and felt like I was hanging out with the whole ex- Homecoming Court of a local high school. The difference is hopefully time has changed us and we can see people more than their social status. That we see them as real beings we can befriend and share our lives with them. Then it doesn’t even matter if we would have been friends in high school.

If you Feel that Way, it’s because you Chose to.

We are all entitled to our own feelings, but more than that, we are in charge of them. This means you feel a certain way because you allow yourself to do so. No one can force you to feel a certain way. Sure feelings and emotions are influenced by others. But when you say someone made you feel that way, you are allowing another person to have control over you. You are handing them a key and allowing them to make decisions about how you react.

Sometimes that emotion is that you have been hurt or wronged; you do not have permission to sulk in this feeling. You cannot alienate the person who might have offended you either. Rather you are responsible for addressing your offender. This keeps you liable.

Anger is a very strong emotion, and no one can make you angry, rather you choose to let other’s actions cause you to be angry. You can choose how to handle your anger and you must do so. It is very important to understand that only you can decide what to do with your anger, and taking it out on someone else, should never be an option.

If there something that causes you to feel joy, consider that a blessing. The feelings of joy and happiness are a blessing. However, it is not other people’s responsibility to help you feel happy or joyful. It is your choice to be receptive to joy and happiness.

Affections and interest for the opposite sex can be some of the hardest feeling to responsible for, not only for singles but couples as well. We can say all we want that we were “lead on” or that the other person caused us to be swayed. It is still our decision to keep those feelings in check. Maybe you have an interest and it is not returned, the other person does not need to leave the group because you don’t share the same affections. Rather you need to figure out what you are going to do with those emotions. If you are in a couple and start to be attracted to someone besides your significant other. Guess what, you also get to squash those feelings and transition them back to your special someone. Love is a choice.

To feel wanted, needed, and as a part of the group is at first your responsibility. Sometimes we are lucky and the group is embracing. If this not the case, jump in and get to know the people. It is wonderful if help you feel included, but you have to do your part.

Perception of the situation is the main way of interpreting your feelings. What better way to do something about your emotions than to change your perspective. Put yourself in other’s shoes. Loafers definitely feel different than high heels and “how are you doing?” is different than “how you doin’!” Maybe their actions weren’t intentional rather it just seemed that way from your perspective.

We are emotional beings and our outlook on life will continuously be affected by that. Do your part though and be accountable for where you are emotionally. There are too many people out there using others as excuses rather than reasons. Reason with yourself and choose to be in control of your decisions instead of letting others control you.