Accenting your Attributes

Isn’t it funny how women with big luscious lips are the ones who normally have lip stuff on? When in fact lip stuff was kinda designed for women with smaller less noticeable lips, so that they could enhance them. My friend Ashley and I have had this conversation before. I believe we attributed this behavior to accenting your attributes.

We actually see this behavior happen more often then we realize. Let’s think about this. Guys with larger biceps wear shirts that fit tightly around their arms. Girls like to accessorize their small waist lines. And don’t forget about those jeans that are made to fit just right on either sex. Yeah you know what I’m talking about, stop picturing it in your head already.

Why do we do this though? Is there a real purpose for accenting your assets? I believe there is, even though it might seem kind of carnal at first. We are people of our senses. One of the first one’s used is sight. Many times we wanna looky-looky before we touchy-touchy. (This is probably a good thing because objects that appear sharp usually are).

We can’t help but draw attention to ourselves. The fun part though is choosing what people to look at first. Hopefully, every one of us knows what our desirable traits are. At least we think we do, and if those traits are physical ones, then guess what! We accent them.

Some might also call this, “putting your best foot forward.” And why not? There should be something about each of us that we really truly love. There is nothing wrong with self confidence. We are created beings and our Creator loves us, so why shouldn’t we love ourselves?

Consider the male peacock. What if he just walked around all the time dragging his tail feathers along? No one would ever get to see the beauty of his plumage. Sure some others might be bigger or brighter, but his is unique. Unique enough to still exist. The mere existence could be shown at the right time and then that moment can never be changed back. It could be his most pivotal moment too.

Am I recommending that every woman wear make-up and every man find that perfect fit jean? No, I could never say that. What I am saying is figure out what it is you just love about yourself. Then accent it, show your plumage!

The Process of Finding Our Identity in as a Part of a Couple

My sister got married to her husband of 4 years, when she was 18 and he was 19. At that time both of them sort of knew who they were and what they needed in a relationship. There was also a lot to be found out.

It has been discovered by many psychological theorists that between the ages of early adulthood (18-24), a person goes through a series of discoveries about who they are as an individual. Sometimes it happens during this period and for others it happens later. This is when your own personal world view develops, although it is some-what shaped by others.

Also during this time you begin to discover how the products of nurture and nature have created you into a unique being. Beyond that you start to have an identity outside of your family. Many of their beliefs and understandings may be similar, but they take on a personal trait within your personality.

I learned a lot about myself during this stage of development. I found out that the boys I liked in high school would have been totally wrong for me. I also began to discover those traits that were uniquely mine. That helped me determine which characteristics I appreciated in the opposite sex and which ones I crinkled my nose about. Prioritizing those characteristics I needed in a relationship versus things that aren’t that important, became apparent during this time. Some people call this being picky or trying to find the perfect man. I call it trying to find someone I’m compatible with.

Since my sister and her husband were so young when they married, they got to go through this stage together. Were they lucky or better off? I don’t know if I could determine that either way. They just got to go through the stages together. So their world view and what they want in a relationship is shaped by each other. Don’t get me wrong it was hard work for them and their work has not ended. But they continue to become what each other needs. Sort of like they started out as a semi-blank slate then got to fill in each others connecting dots.

It doesn’t always work out that way though and sometimes during those trying times couples break up. They determine they are not what each other needs. Sometimes this period can wedge a couple apart and they will keep trying to make it work, but it just doesn’t. My sister and her husband did succeed in this part of their journey so far, and both of them continue to cooperate in order to end up successful in the end.

Me on the other hand, I went through that stage on my own. I didn’t have anyone to model after. No one modeled after me either. So now instead of just drawing a picture together, we get to take the already partially drawn picture and assemble the puzzle. Which I admit is a little more difficult in some ways and a little easier in others.

I am by no means looking for the perfect fit. I am however, continuing to look for a good fit. At least good enough that a picture starts to form. Then we can fill in the rest of the picture with characteristics we develop together.

It takes a while though and I’ll definitely need helps along the way. I’m taking it as slow as I can though. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I know when the pieces don’t fit right, the pieces aren’t meant to be together.

Would my sister and her husband be together now if they hadn’t met back then and gone through this stage separately? That is not for us to ask. What I do know is that even though we may find people in different ways, eventually each couple that is meant to be finds each other. No matter how they go through the stages of developing their personality.

The Economy of Hiring

This blog is for my dear friend Amy. Today she got the excuse from a perspective employer, that they wouldn’t hire her because of the economy. Does that really make sense though? I guess it does if you are in the hear and now form of thought. What if they would have thought that way during the Great Depression?

Some people did think that way back then, during the hard times. I’m not sure how they got through and I know they weren’t prosperous, because we never hear their stories. What if Rockefeller would have said, I’m not going to make investments because the economy is bad? What if the farmers didn’t want to put forth the money to take their crops elsewhere to sell? They would have then let their crops spoil and would have had no money, instead of having less profit.

What if every employer said, “Lets not hire them because, no body is buying anything.”? Then wondering why people aren’t buying anything. Wake up people! If you don’t give people jobs, so that they have money to spend, then guess what! They can’t spend it!

No wonder our economy is bad, no body has jobs and therefore they don’t have any money. Or at least not any real money. Can this change, sure it can. Big profit businesses can invest in new employees. Smaller profit businesses can at least hire some people on part-time. But creating a hiring freeze so that no one can get a job, definitely is not the answer.

I’m sure everyone just sat on their tuffs during the great depression and watched all the devastation. No, they kept on working, they new it would turn around. They didn’t even ask the government for specific help. People made a way and they didn’t layoff people like they were nothing.

Moral of the story: People need to be hiring right now. That way there is new money to put into our economy instead of more and more draining out. No matter how we got here, what needs to be done right now is, making every effort to get ourselves our of this situation.

The Responsibility of Wisdom

Wisdom comes to us in many forms. It can be obtained through books, experiences, listening, or innately. Some people have more, some less. The important thing is, “What do you do with the wisdom you have?”

Yesterday in church my pastor mentioned several great opportunities about having wisdom. Then he mentioned one responsibility. We are accountable for every bit of Wisdom we know. Wow that’s a hard pill to swallow.

I mean, I’ve always been glad about the amount of wisdom I have obtained in this lifetime. Not that it was anything I could ever boast or brag about. There have been many life-lessons learned in the process. I even put a great deal of my wisdom into practice in my everyday life. Never did it occur to me that not only was I allowed to be wise, I am also accountable for it.

This makes me think twice about praying anymore prayers like David prayed. Although it doesn’t necessarily stop me from wanting to obtain more knowledge. Responsibility isn’t a bad thing and what if what I know and have learned can help someone else out. Then it would be worth to me and hopefully to them too.

So as scary as it might be and as much as I might have to choose different actions, I choose to be accountable for the wisdom I have or will have. May I not take it for granted or make choices against what is wise. And if I do something unwise, may I be able to take account for it.

No matter how great of a responsibility it might be, I choose not only continue to become more wise, but also help others in their efforts. I believe we could all benefit from some more wise and accountable individuals in our world.

Coming off the Market isn’t that Easy

(Written 8/18/08 the relationship ended 8/24/08. A lot of lessons were learned and even though we found out we were different people, and I ended the relationship. I would not have wanted to miss out of on this experience.)

I have been on the dating market for a long time. Things have changed now and I have a relationship. I have an actual boyfriend, a guy that cares a lot about me and getting to know me. This is something I have wanted for who knows how long. The funny thing is, I am now learning what it’s really all about.

I am not used to being a part of a couple. Most times I don’t even know how to react. People make it look so natural. How do they do this? I have 25 years of it just being me, At least 15 of those I might have thought about wanting a relationship, but all I really knew was what I saw and understood from others.

It scares me, but in a good way. I don’t know what is to come. I hope and pray the best, but I have to put myself out there. I actually have to risk being hurt in order to risk being loved. I have to trust that words spoken are genuine and he has to trust the same from me.

My life dynamic has changed; even now my decisions aren’t my own. A simple trip to the beach on Sunday is no longer a simple trip. Now it has become a decision to be made between the two of us, especially if we are both off work. I by no means have to ask him about every decision and choice I make, but I find myself thinking of him when I make choices and decisions.

All my life I have watched others start and maintain relationships. I constantly tried to understand the things I was seeing them do and actions that changed their lives. I might have even persecuted a few of them for “dropping off the face of the earth.” I still do not understand a lot of their actions but more and more they are making sense.

There is so much to be discussed at the beginning of a relationship. I want to talk to him a lot. Moments away sometimes seems like hours or days. I wonder if these feelings change, I am sure they do. For now though, I want there to be less time apart and more time together.

However, I won’t become one of THOSE people though; both he and I know there is a balance. A balance to the amount of time spent together and a balance to the type of time spent together. We know it is as vital to maintain our lives and our friendships, as it is for us to work on our relationship.

It crosses my mind now more. He crosses my mind. I’ve never had that feeling. I have never been taken off of the shelf. The shopping cart is a lil creepy. My hope is the cash register is insight, but there may be a whole long journey before we get there. Here’s hoping I never have to be put back on the shelf. Because I know sometimes when that happens a person is placed on the wrong shelf and a whole new situation.

Part of this is about the experience though; the ride through the aisles and the bargaining that gets made. Not that I am giving up everything or that he is giving up anything, but a compromise is made and we make it together. We choose to remain marketable to each other. To refrain from the temptations of this world and only put those things in our basket that will edify us and God.

So although I am not on the market anymore, I can still be myself and he can be himself, but together we will become an even greater product. A product of hard work and determination. Something that doesn’t fade with time or wear and tear. He can help me understand what it is like to be a part of a relationship, and I can help him understand me. My hope and prayer is that together we can bring out the best in each other. That way it makes this journey that much easier.

What are Constitutional Rights?

This morning I read an article about a small town one of my friends is from. Apparently there is now a 24 hour curfew set in a specific area of the town, to cut down on crime at that location. So people are calling this a violation of constitutional rights.

I can see there point a little because, how can we tell people that they are not allowed outside? That they are not allowed to enjoy the sunshine in the middle of the day or the cool breeze of the night? Although I am pretty sure no one in the area is going outside to enjoy nature, because apparently if you did you would see nothing but crime occurring.

So the claim was made, that the curfew violates constitutional rights of freedom to gather and freedom of speech. It certainly does sound like the government is trying to act outside of their jurisdiction. But consider the cost of some of the citizen’s constitutional rights. Does it really make sense to give someone the freedom to assemble (for whatever legal or illegal reason they are assembling) and violate everyone else’s right to Not be killed injured or abused?

Is there a scale that weighs constitutional rights and puts one above the other? Logically it seems like there should be. It makes sense that someone should have safety before freedom of speech. However, our rights are not laid out like that; rather they are laid out as all being equal.

I suppose that is how freedom of speech and religion seem to go hand in hand. Although it seems that if you are offending someone with your speech about religion then you are violating their constitutional rights. I ask though, which right does that violate? Are we fighting the same battle with censorship versus non-censorship?

Now back to the case in question, is it okay, to violate one right in order to protect another? Maybe that is a question our government and law enforcement have to ask everyday. A question that the law abiding citizen that lives in a “safe” neighborhood might never have to ask, about this situation.

Are their actual rights being violated? There very well could be, but my question is, “If there are rights being violated, could this be happening for the greater good and therefore outweighs any other right?”

If so, who is the deciding factor? The judge, the jury, or the citizens that have to decide on a daily basis if they can step outside their door?

What a Distance a Difference Can Make

Yeah, you read the title right. Although some might understand it better if it were title, “What a Difference a Distance Can Make.” I’m talking about the actual measurable amount of time or distance put between two people or a decision that can make all the difference in the world.

The effect of this on relationships can happen in two different ways. One being the cliché “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” the other being time away can lead to a clearer responder. Which one is right depends upon your situation. Either way, it never hurts to put a few miles or minutes between you and a decision, in order to make sure the correct choice is made.

I have seen this several times in my own life. Back in Missouri, I considered dating a guy that I knew was all wrong for me. Why? Because when were together everything felt so right. When we were apart though, reality soaked in and I couldn’t deny that we should not date. I could have blindly spent my every moment of free time with him, but when we weren’t together, I knew we were just lying to each other. In this case, distance told me the truth that closeness wanted to lie to me about.

Moving to Georgia has taught me who my true friends are and have always been. One of my friends in particular stands out. I never knew how much effort we would both put in, to maintaining our friendship. Now I do though, and I think we even might be closer, at the time, due to the distance. It definitely makes it interesting. Now instead of sharing similar stories about the week’s happenings, we get to share double the stories ;)!

Outside of relationships we can consider how distance impacts our goals. A healthy minded individual has both long and short term goals. Think about what some of those goals might have been back in five years ago, compared to now. Time and space between the influences of our lives back then, has changed and molded what we want to have accomplished now. Does it mean we were wrong in having those goals back then? Definitely not. It does however, point out how different things can become with distance.

Life teaches us this lesson all the time. From people moving away, couples spending mass amounts of time together, making split second choices about eating habits, or taking time to find the perfect career. We can all learn a little patience and healthy distance.

So the next time you are faced with a situation that seems to always be by your side or maybe is occupying too much of your free time, allow a little distance to be there. Statistics have proven that most decisions are made at the beginning of the week, why? People have had time to put distance between the grind of the week and the decision to be made.

Your body and mind do it naturally, why not take their advice and apply a little healthy and balanced distance into your life?

Intellect Based on Interest

There are a ton of smart people out there. I have had several run in’s lately. You know the type when you get into a conversation with them and leave feeling like you just left a lecture hall at Harvard.

What if you had no interest in what they are educated in? Would they still seem as smart? Would they actually appear less intellectual depending on your interest in their topic of expertise?

Maybe so...For example, I am extremely interested in interpersonal relationships. It’s becoming my topic of expertise from education, experience, and learning form others. This is not something everyone cares about though.

Many people don’t care to know how they relate to people nor do they want to improve themselves in this area. I suppose to them, I would appear to have less intellectual ability. That my education, experience, and the things people have taught me are useless.

I feel the same way about people who know way too much about video games. I could careless about the newest game or system. Actually, I sometimes view video game talk as a waste of breath and I can honestly say sometimes I question their intellectual ability.

What I am saying is you can have the highest IQ or degree and appear to have no credibility depending on the topic and audience present. There is not a lot you can do to change this. It’s just good to know this happens.

Is there anything wrong with being a strong woman?

First let me describe what a strong woman is. She’s never a push-over obviously, you know that from the moment you meet her. This by no means titles her as a witch with a “B”. She knows things about life and people. It is not easy to deceive her. Above all, she can take care of herself.

She doesn’t take care of herself in a bully type of way, rather she’s just picked up enough tools along the way, that she is self-sufficient. Sure she’d rather have a man mow her lawn, but se will do it herself. It wouldn’t be a problem if you offered to fight her battles, but she by no means is waiting for one to protect her. However, she gladly welcomes a guy’s protection.

Being in a relationship is an addition to her life, not the sustaining force. Many times you can’t tell in a social group that her significant other is there, because they are off mingling in separate crowds. Security to her is just knowing he’s there.

Self assurance and confidence is the name of her name. Never does she need told of her worth, but it is received gracefully when she is. Never does she appear cocky rather humbleness is her preference. She understands this can seem odd and maybe threatening to some, but that is never her intentions.

Her preference is for others to be as strong as she is. It maybe difficult for her to understand why others are weaker because she wants her strength to be transferred to them. Never is it her intention to walk over people. Rather she prefers to lift others up.

Do tell me what is wrong with the previous description? If the “she’s” were to be replaces with “he’s” would the description be more accepted? Is there something offensive about a woman’s strength? Can it be proven that there is something wrong about strong women?

Guys, is there something intimidating or scary about a strong woman?

Girls, do you fell threatened by a woman who is sturdy?

Is the preference nowadays for a women to be weak and needy? Do strong women take care of too much for themselves and leave nothing for anyone else to do?

Speaking from the viewpoint of a strong woman, I want to make sure I am staying in check. I understand there is a balance. I wonder if there is something I am doing wrong or if this is just a part of my personality, a part that will continually show through no matter how much I try to tame it down? So answers this for me and the other strong women, “Is there anything wrong with being a strong woman?”