Giving Until You Are Empty

My cup is almost empty. There’s nothing left to give. I feel drained and all I can do is sit and hope that I can be filled up again. I know I can and will. I just let myself get a little too empty this time.

I gave too much. I forgot about my needs. I forgot to ask for assistance. Forgot to say no and totally ignored my preferences.

It’s easy to get empty. All it takes is a little bump, jiggle, sip, gulp, or spill. Then there’s only a little bit left. Not even enough to give.

It’s not safe and not fair. Not fair to others around me. I have nothing to give. I might even been draining them. Not safe because I could easily shut down and others would not even know why.

Emptiness is no fun and it takes twice as long to recharge after being empty. It would be better if you would let yourself be recharged and not give for a while. To be wise enough to know when to pull back. Before it is too late and you are completely empty.

If Nothing Else I am Loved

How is easy is it to forget this, to forget that we are loved. We are loved by our Heavenly Father more than we may ever know. Then instead of remembering this love and cherishing it, we run from it and pretend no love exists.

We pretend that the things we do on a daily basis, does not matter to our creator. Maybe sometimes it’s not mere pretending but taking for granted what we have. Never taking claim on our Father’s love that He has given us, right here on earth.

His wonderful, eternal love that can get us through anything, if we just recognize it. If we just take hold of it and never let it go. If we can just grasp the fact that if nothing else we are loved.

Confronting Non-Confrontation

I’m a confrontational person. I don’t mean that I go up and yell things at people. I mean that if there is something that needs clarified or talked about; I will confront someone about it or bring it up in conversation.

Some people aren’t confrontational though and the whole thought of having to address something makes them squirm. They would rather stay in the gray area of non-understanding than actually talk about it. This makes no sense to me, but I am learning how to compromise.

I have learned that you can have a friendship and not declare its level of depth. That sometimes you have to let some things go for other things to happen. It is possible to resolve a conflict without ever communicating about it.

I suppose time is a method a non-confrontational person will use. Time works things out and calms down emotions. It has a way of making things clearer just by taking a little while longer to process the situation. It’s amazing how the passing of days will make a situation seem less important. The only requirement you have to have for time is patience.

Now I know there is a place for non-confrontation, it helps people keep peace and take on some understanding before they force the issue. I’m not saying it is the best approach or that I will use it from this point forward. Rather I am saying that it makes a little bit more sense to me, and if I can be patient enough I might just start being a little less confrontational.

The Let’s Just Be Friends Curse

I’ve mastered the skill. I have learned how to make, have, and maintain guy friends. I keep a balanced relationship with them. I believe they appreciate having me as a chick friend as much as I enjoy them as guy friends.

Am I really the chick friend though, or do I some how become one of the guys? Can I be standing there in make-up, a skirt, and heels and feel so much like one of the guys that no notice is taken to me being a girl?

I really do understand how this can happen sometimes. To me, it is easier to relate and understand guys than it is girls. My thought processes are typically more rational than emotional, which is more like a guy. The topics of conversation that I can interact in can be rather masculine too, such as fixing things, fishing, or sports. Sometimes don’t even act like a girl would in situations.

That doesn’t mean I don’t wanna be the chick friend. I do wanna be the chick friend. I want to be that cool chick that they hang out with, that can just chill, but she’s still a girl. The one that gets invited to hang, but gets the door opened for her. To be the girl wearing the sundress to the football game, because I’m hanging out with the boys but I don’t have to dress like them, then later on when it rains I get offered a jacket to stay dry.

I admit it, or at least I did for the first time the other day. I am a serial “guy friend-er.” I know how to get guys to be my friend, always have. It is easy for me to make a guy friend. Many times I prefer guy friends. They add a joy to my life, to be able to laugh at their antics and funny stories. Most of the time that’s all I would ever have them be is my friend.

Sometimes though, I would like one of them to become more than just a friend. I suppose I have thought even from a young age, if I can be their friend then maybe they will see me able to be more. It's okay with me if it never works out that way. Although really, I’d love to be the girl that is such a cool friend that one day, one of the guys wants to make her more than a friend. Is it possible though? Can a girl go from being a cool chick friend to being a girlfriend? Or am I always doomed to the “let’s just be friends curse?”