Kid Gloves

I heard the pastor speak Sunday morning and reference using “kid gloves.” Kid gloves, not necessarily treating people like they are children. Rather, it’s treating people with tenderness and kindness you would use with a child.

What if we actually did that? We actually treated our fellow adults with the love and gentleness we would a child. Would we then still be as judgmental, harsh, short with words, fast to harm, and rude as we are now?

Let’s face it; we don’t always have each other’s best interest in heart. Heck, our culture is about self-gain, even if it means hurting everyone around you. We even hurt the people we are closest too sometimes just because of our own selfish means.

Now I know not everyone was nice as a child. Believe me; I met a few of you rascals out on the playground in 5th grade. The adults though, there was a certain gentleness that came from them. Most of them truly did want to protect our innocence and keep us safe from the harms of the world.

I guess I am just wondering if we could use those same Kid Gloves to treat our fellow man or at least our friends. Not to keep them naïve, but to handle them with care. Care that shows you only mean the best for them. Gloves that show you want everything to be alright. The thought process that thinks of a friend as someone that more times than not needs to be shielded from the harshness of this world. Then maybe, just maybe we can be the one that makes the difference.

A La Original

As some of you may know, I make a weekly patronage to Palm Coast. It is a very unique venue that features a coffee shop, restaurant, bar, courtyard, and live entertainment stage. My reason for going on Mondays is Acoustic Open Mike Night. This night is full of you guessed it…acoustic music.

Don’t think for a second though that it is all country or bluegrass. Sure they may pick a little on the banjo or mandolin throughout the night. When it picks up though, you can hear everything from Journey to the Beatles and much, much more.

Now I have never claimed to be a music connoisseur and honestly I do not know a lot of bands or songs. Sure I’ve listened to music my whole life, but as I later found out by moving to the South, there are sooooo many songs I have never heard. So I enjoy my Monday nights of live acoustic music, not only for pleasure but for education purposes. I now know who sings “Wild Horses” (The Rolling Stones), and songs with guitar solos that take up more time in the song than the lyrics, are acceptable. So as you can imagine, my taste in music has increased and so has the number of songs I know.

Accept they forgot to tell me one thing, until a couple of weeks ago. See I thought I was enjoying my Palm Coast Mondays listening to these artist play other people’s songs. When in fact many of the musicians play their own original pieces. How was I to know? I mean it all just sounded like music that I hadn’t heard before and sure I liked the song, “bbbbbbblack slacks” but I had no idea that it was an original.

Then last night I was talking to one of the musicians and he informed me that a lot of the songs I was hearing, were originals. What?!?! You mean the guy that always sings the sad songs that seem like they are acoustic remixes of metal band lyrics, is singing a song he wrote himself? Way to mess with a girl’s head. Here I thought I was adding to a list of southern rock songs and old favorites that I didn’t know and now I find out that actually no one else knows these!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. The originals are amazing and I don’t know what I’m going to do the next Monday that I can’t hear “bbbbbbblack slacks.” If you haven’t heard it, it’s a must and I am even considering recording it on my camera so that I can get my fix throughout the week. They could have told me though, or should I have known? Who knew so much talent and original writings could have shown up on random Monday nights?

So I guess I’m back to square one and still trying to add to the list of songs that should know but don’t. Now I just get to add in these favorite originals too!

He Won’t Find Me Spinning My Wheels

Okay, I’m guilty of looking, I admit that though. What I don’t want to be guilty of is fawning. Getting so wrapped up in the possibilities of being with x or y guy that I miss out, miss out on friendship and the relationships with people around me.

Sure I’ve been there before, caught up by every move he makes, trying to figure out his motives. Asking myself if he called because of friendship or for something else? Wondering what this attention he is giving me is all about, sometimes finding out that he was oblivious to the fact that he was even giving me attention. Then, getting all caught up about what is up with him. It’s not worth it to me anymore!

Not worth wasting the time or will power. Too much time has been wasted already on times like this and I’m just over it. Sure I might sound like a girl that has been told recently that the guy I had an interest in isn’t interested back. Actually, this is not the case at all! I am just seen once again what a waste of time it once was.

It was sort of like when I was a child with training wheels on my bike. For no real reason, I would find a small dip and place my bike to where I could pedal all I wanted but get no traction. Then for stints of time I would just be “spinning my wheels.” Was it entertaining? Yes. Was it exercise? Sure. Was I getting anywhere? Not really. So what was the benefit? I wasted some time. Time I had to waste back then. But time I am not willing to waste anymore.

Does he like me? That is not really my concern anymore. Can we have a friendship and people to hang around with in a group and be friends? That is definitely more important!

Not So Beneficial Friendships

A So Called Perfect Substitute for What we desire.

Friends with benefits, we’ve all heard of it. Some of us have even tried it, but do we really know the consequences?

Do we understand that the so called benefits could actual be harming us? Unnoticeably, scaring us emotionally and possibly even physically. Taking the sheer joy of friendship and manipulating it into a form of “it’s complicated” relationship. The major problem is, to one party involved all it is or ever will be is friendship. Unfortunately though, the other party will not have the same thoughts or emotions about the situation.

Those of you with beneficial friendships; past, present or future will fight me on this. The truth is I’m RIGHT! There is NEVER a way to have a balanced friendship with benefits. Rather it is a way the non-committal person to have the physical benefits of a relationship while the other party is suffering and trying to constantly convince themselves, this is what I want.

Emotionally one party gets caught up in so called needs being fulfilled. Sure it feels good to be kissed and to be called on constantly. That’s what you want our of a romantic relationship, and since you can’t have the relationship you want, you convince yourself that whatever takes care of those needs is okay. You claim that if the relationship possibility came up, you could go for it and leave the beneficial friendship behind. What you are really doing is making excuses and creating more emotional baggage. Oh and don’t forget the fact that even if you do find yourself in a romantic relationship, you will use your beneficial friend as a basis of comparison in this new relationship. How fair is that?

While the other party enjoys the thrill of obtaining a once again easy cop-out. It’s a scary pattern the person who doesn’t want a relationship; they get caught up in the thrill of non-commitment. A thrill that ultimately leads them to replacing their beneficial friends on a regular basis because after too long it feels like a romantic relationship. They can’t stop themselves from constantly wondering who or what else is out there to help them feel that thrill again. Meanwhile, losing friendships along the way. Does that matter to them?

Oh and don't forget the fact that there will always be an akwardness about the friendship. Imagine introducing your spouse some day to the person that you casually allowed in your life.

We are a society of quick fixes though, so it does not surprise me that so many of us fall into this temptation. Sure it seems innocent enough. You know it’s just like playing “spin the bottle.” But it’s not! It’s an excuse, an excuse we make, with consequences that are way bigger than what we might consider.

Wake up people! NO the beneficial friend is NEVER going to enter into a relationship with you or fulfill the desires you have for a romantic relationship.

Non-committal manipulator, you are stuck in a serious pattern that could have life-long consequences. Do not think that you can stop these behaviors just because you turn 30.

And for goodness sake, STOP settling!