Coming off the Market isn’t that Easy

(Written 8/18/08 the relationship ended 8/24/08. A lot of lessons were learned and even though we found out we were different people, and I ended the relationship. I would not have wanted to miss out of on this experience.)

I have been on the dating market for a long time. Things have changed now and I have a relationship. I have an actual boyfriend, a guy that cares a lot about me and getting to know me. This is something I have wanted for who knows how long. The funny thing is, I am now learning what it’s really all about.

I am not used to being a part of a couple. Most times I don’t even know how to react. People make it look so natural. How do they do this? I have 25 years of it just being me, At least 15 of those I might have thought about wanting a relationship, but all I really knew was what I saw and understood from others.

It scares me, but in a good way. I don’t know what is to come. I hope and pray the best, but I have to put myself out there. I actually have to risk being hurt in order to risk being loved. I have to trust that words spoken are genuine and he has to trust the same from me.

My life dynamic has changed; even now my decisions aren’t my own. A simple trip to the beach on Sunday is no longer a simple trip. Now it has become a decision to be made between the two of us, especially if we are both off work. I by no means have to ask him about every decision and choice I make, but I find myself thinking of him when I make choices and decisions.

All my life I have watched others start and maintain relationships. I constantly tried to understand the things I was seeing them do and actions that changed their lives. I might have even persecuted a few of them for “dropping off the face of the earth.” I still do not understand a lot of their actions but more and more they are making sense.

There is so much to be discussed at the beginning of a relationship. I want to talk to him a lot. Moments away sometimes seems like hours or days. I wonder if these feelings change, I am sure they do. For now though, I want there to be less time apart and more time together.

However, I won’t become one of THOSE people though; both he and I know there is a balance. A balance to the amount of time spent together and a balance to the type of time spent together. We know it is as vital to maintain our lives and our friendships, as it is for us to work on our relationship.

It crosses my mind now more. He crosses my mind. I’ve never had that feeling. I have never been taken off of the shelf. The shopping cart is a lil creepy. My hope is the cash register is insight, but there may be a whole long journey before we get there. Here’s hoping I never have to be put back on the shelf. Because I know sometimes when that happens a person is placed on the wrong shelf and a whole new situation.

Part of this is about the experience though; the ride through the aisles and the bargaining that gets made. Not that I am giving up everything or that he is giving up anything, but a compromise is made and we make it together. We choose to remain marketable to each other. To refrain from the temptations of this world and only put those things in our basket that will edify us and God.

So although I am not on the market anymore, I can still be myself and he can be himself, but together we will become an even greater product. A product of hard work and determination. Something that doesn’t fade with time or wear and tear. He can help me understand what it is like to be a part of a relationship, and I can help him understand me. My hope and prayer is that together we can bring out the best in each other. That way it makes this journey that much easier.